5 Things from Radegund

[ailbhe]

entitlement
Ooh, I feel all defensive now. I'm NOT entitled. In fact, that's one of the things I work hardest at - I don't, basically, feel entitled to buy anything, or get medical or dental treatment, or, um, have nice things, in general.

Perhaps this comes over as a huge sense of entitlement, like shyness manifests itself as brash overconfidence.

On an intellectual level I recognise that I deserve basics and trimmings just like everyone else, but the pit of my stomach is all confused about it - I want to feel like I deserve things, but I resent not having had them, and I strongly resent people who take things for granted, things people ought to take for granted like having enough to eat or somewhere safe to live or any of the other things people tend to think they have earned but which actually are hugely reliant on good fortune and good family.

colour
I'm again not sure what this is about. Skin colour? We're all pasty white, us, but I could never again live in a wholly pasty white culture with any comfort.

Or colour as a tool for pussikerlojickle health? I like red. I find dressing in colourful, patterned clothes really useful to me. Red shoes, especially. If there's a way to get rainbow stripes into my life, I do it. And spots, multicoloured polka dots. I like strong colours, bright colours.

I like translucent blue.

I'm not sure to what extent it's about fashion, because it probably is, but I'm much more aware of it being about mood adaptation. I wore a lot of black as a teenager, and dyed my hair black, but on other days I wore purple and orange - often together - and again with the rainbow stripes.

My mother quotes Van Gogh often; "How beautiful is yellow."

being Irish in England
I was told yesterday that I couldn't possibly be related to someone the speaker knew who apparently looked like me because "she is of Irish extraction, and of course you're not." I am invisibly Irish, and part of why is that I don't have a strong accent (of any kind, apparently - people guess English, Canadian and Scottish as often as they guess Irish) and part of it, I am increasingly convinced, is because I appear to be educated.

Thankfully, the vile remarks about the IRA that I used to get, which somehow no English person ever felt a need to apologise for because "it's just a joke," have stopped. Moving here just after the Omagh bombing (Emer's birthday is on the anniversary of the Omagh bombing) was a bad move, in terms of avoiding IRA jokes.

The whole 17th of March thing is a bit weird to me, too. No parade, no fireworks, no celebration, just drunkenness and green wigs. What's the point?

Oh, and Irish people seem to assume I'm desperate to "Go Home." To which I can only say, "NHS."

qualifications
I should probably have got some but urgh. The longer I live among post-education-system adults the more I see that most of the qualifications people get - Leaving Cert, A-Levels, a basic degree - mean very little in terms of skill or knowledge base. People seem able to emerge from the other end with a really good degree and promptly forget everything they learned. Masters and PhDs, and people who get their degrees as adults rather than straight from school, seem to be more indicative, but I can't be arsed.

But I'm getting an almost wholly unrecognised Breastfeeding Supporter qualification which I am explicitly barred from using to make money, because I care about it and the organisation I'm training with won't let me help as much as I want to unless I have the qualification.

home
When I moved into this house, Janice's friend Emma said she'd never seen anyone nest so fast. I make the places I live into my own home fast. I put my mark on them - with throws and books in rented spaces, with paint and curtains here because it's ours - and then I settle in. I like good strong locks, heat, space to have hundreds of people over for dinner, and all the keys carefully controlled.

No, home is not about people, for me. It's possible to be with all the most important people and still be homeless.

Home is awfully empty when the right people aren't here, though.

Comments

[ailbhe]

Begorrah, we're Oirish

Mental wellness

Sympathy and empathy

Faking it

Cats

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

I strongly resent people who take things for granted, things people ought to take for granted like having enough to eat or somewhere safe to live or any of the other things people tend to think they have earned but which actually are hugely reliant on good fortune and good family.

Amen.

[kyte.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

Or at least, maybe they have earned them. It's just that there's a lot of people who have earned them that don't actually have them.

[ailbhe]

Yeah - earning and deserving things isn't enough.

[kyte.livejournal.com]

Very true, sadly.

It's a shame that more people don't seem to understand that one :/

[ailbhe]

Oh - I'm trying as hard as I can to raise children who CAN and DO take those things for granted. Just to put a twist on it :)

[libellum.livejournal.com]

No, home is not about people, for me. It's possible to be with all the most important people and still be homeless.

Home is awfully empty when the right people aren't here, though

Yes.

I very much doubt the first word was intended to hint that you were entitled, because I don't know you very well and you very very obviously aren't. I suspect the word was chosen because you have such strong opinions about it. I think it's good for people with a sense of entitlement (like me) to meet people without one. Shedding it will be very hard for me, but in the meantime a sense of perspective is extremely helpful in terms of checking privilege and things.

[ailbhe]

Oh, I *know* it wasn't. But the pit of my stomach doesn't :)

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Heh. No, it wasn't! I was thinking about things you've said about having to "grow a sense of entitlement", particularly around your birth experiences, and about the interplay between the positive and negative aspects of entitlement.

Mine's enormous, as you know, around most social/cultural things, but almost non-existent when it comes to certain types of emotional interaction. (Cf privilege, when I get around to writing about that.)

Also, while I'm commenting (scuse me, Libellum), in re "colour": I think of you as a person of ... high colour saturation, if that makes sense. You wear colour. You surround yourself with colour. You seem to respond strongly to it. I found your answer very interesting - I hadn't expected it to be so explicitly about health and function, as opposed to aesthetics.

[ailbhe]

Heh - I think autumnal colours, especially beige and muted greens, are more grown up and "aesthetic" (colloq.) than the bright tones I choose to surround myself with, but I need to already feel very happy before it's practical to surround myself in them. Otherwise I'm asking for melancholy.

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

Can I have 5 things, please?

[ailbhe]

Dressing your daughter in pink
Knitting
Cycling
Activism
Office politics

[redshira.livejournal.com]

In fact, that's one of the things I work hardest at - I don't, basically, feel entitled to buy anything, or get medical or dental treatment, or, um, have nice things, in general.

Absolutely me too. I'm also the same as you re: making somewhere be Home as quickly as possible (and after 34 housemoves, I'm definitely used to it now).

Could I have 5 things plees?

[ailbhe]

Immigration
Fear of failure
That which does not kill us makes us stronger
Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough
Moving home

[ailbhe]

I'm going to count my housemoves. Hm.

1 to Ardenza Tce (age 3)
2 to Vesey Place (age 13)
3 to Aran
3.5 to mum's friend's sofa
4 to Hogan Place
5 to Strand Road
6 to Pottery Road (age 14)
7 to NCR (16)
8 to Cabra (17)
9 within Cabra (17)
10 to Ranelagh (18)
11 within Ranelagh (19)
12 to Wapping (19)
13 Romford (19)
14 to Wapping (20)
15 to Reading (24?)

... and I've forgotten some. Drat. I always forget some.

[redshira.livejournal.com]

Oh, you've experienced the Joys of Romford! Apparently it's not as bad as it used to be and is now better than Ilford (which is mainly where I grew up, on and off), but still.

I always forget some as well. I only know it's 34 because I was telling Lovely Landlord yesterday and had to count them up. His family bought Gowran Grange (the hyaouge tracts of land which include the farm and The Big Haus and the various small houses of which ours is one) in 1730 so the idea of being so rootless and constantly moving was amazing to him. Whereas for me, the idea of living in the same place all your life like so many of the people I knew at school is just really depressing.

[barakta]

Yes I look at people from "home" who live 2 streets from Mum & Dad and who married someone from school and never left a little scary.

I've moved 7 times in 4 different cities since I left home with some random bits of overlap and so on in between. Not that many in the scheme of things but it's all perspective and new experiences.

I lived in Stratford last year so not far from Romford & Ilford... I miss it, we lived on the border with Forest Gate and I really liked it there. Shame commuting was SO dire and it was so expensive or I'd have stayed as long as I could.

[rosefox]

Feel free to five-thing at me, if you like.

[beckyl.livejournal.com]

five things please? - latecomer to this but I need something to spur me to write something, instead of just reading.

[ailbhe]

http://ailbhe.livejournal.com/723830.html?thread=4002422#t4002422

Did you already!

[pauamma]

:raises claw.

[ailbhe]

Multilingualism
Bereavement
Immigration
Crustaceans
Bottoms

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Well and sensibly said. :)

Thankfully, the vile remarks about the IRA that I used to get, which somehow no English person ever felt a need to apologise for because "it's just a joke," have stopped.

GRRRRRRRR.

I was going to write paragraphs of anger, but, well, you know what I would say. So I'll just say that I want to bite them all, and not in a pleasant way.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

~wants to play~

[ailbhe]

Being a proper grownup
Children
Cats
Foreign countries
Random LJ friendings

[flybabydizzy.livejournal.com]

5 for me, please, too

[ailbhe]

Self-effacement
Generosity
Determination
Housecleaning
Moments of peace in the chaos

[(Anonymous)]

me too?

Rob was born in Redbridge and his grandparents lived in Leytonstone.

julie paradox
(merryhouse, at work, can't remember password)