Social today. Only, not.

[ailbhe]

Today we went to ERAPA, which Linnea and Emer loved and I found exhausting. I've done so much socialising this week, and so little sleeping, that the effort of going into a group of people I don't know intimately and breaking into their conversations even enough to say "Hello" was too much. I know from experience that this is sometimes perceived as rude, as is breaking into conversations in the wrong way and at the wrong time, but I was honestly too tired to care. Handling a group from outside is just a game of rules I don't know or understand, with stakes no-one makes clear before you start. I can't even tell how I'm doing after I've managed to join in the conversation. I can't tell whether I've dominated it inappropriately, or been rudely silent, or done sort of ok. And eventually my throat closes over and I can't even speak audibly any more.

Professional situations don't do that to me, unless they're informal mandatory fun stuff, which is allegedly social. Situations of authority, such as being in charge of organising an otherwise social event, don't do it to me. But Just Chatting? Knackering.

Still, I did manage to speak at least one sentence to everyone there, and joined in two different topics of group conversation, so that's something, at least.

And I find interacting with the children perfectly straightforward.

I wish I understood it and could switch it bloody off. It's all a bit Smiths.