Linnea and Sue

[ailbhe]

Linnea and Sue are not friends. They don't dislike each other, they just don't know each other. They hardly ever - if ever - see each other.

Linnea doesn't want to talk about what it was like at Sue's house. But Sue has a pony toothbrush, not a pirate one.

She's a trifle miffed that Sue was allowed to play with her dinosaur excavation toy. When Sue asked about it and tried to persuade me to allow her, I got the impression that this was a test, on two levels - did I take Sue seriously, and would I protect Linnea's interests - and I passed it then but forgot to warn Rob later.

"I am not Linnea, and you are not my mum" may be the most difficult thing I had to hear in all of this. It was said most firmly after 24 hours of Sue being here.

Linnea's not much impressed with Sue's drawing of her mummy, because the hands don't have proper fingers. Sue explained to me that her mum didn't have fingers but grasped things with just her hands. I didn't pass this on to Linnea; frankly, I've had enough of this.

I am very fond of all our four-year-old guests and pleased that when my four-year-old is a guest she's reasonably polite but it's hard to have her deny the relationship. After midnight I heard her stirring and crawled into her bed for a cuddle, for myself as much as for her. And this morning I told her I was pleased that Linnea came back.

It's also nice to get direct requests instead of "I wish there was a way to do [whatever]" and having to answer "Well, in this house we have a television / computer / toaster" sort of thing.

To those of you who suggested asking permission - I had a very bad reaction to the idea and I think it's because this is something which needs to be under Linnea's control. Yes, it's a pretend, but it is not a game or a joke, it's something serious and important, and although I don't understand it - at least partially because it upsets me - I need to let it happen. It's not like a friend coming to stay because Sue is not Linnea's friend.

If this happens again I will want to start reading about it. It's very very weird.

Comments

[ruthi.livejournal.com]

You dealt with the weirdness well. You are good.

[rmc28]

You're doing brilliantly and I instinctively think you're right not to demand permission be asked. I also had a bad reaction to that suggestion, but lacked energy to put it into words last night. I suppose the nearest analog I can think of is expecting my cross-dressing friends to ask permission to be dressed up and be called by their alter-ego name in their own home, and I'm not happy about giving Linnea less respect just because she's a child.

I'm not aware of anything like Sue happening in either my family or Tony's, though I'll ask. I can imagine how upsetting it would be to have Charles deny me so I think you've done brilliantly in taking it apparently calmly.

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

This is all entirely fascinating. But i can see how it would be very uncomfortable for you. Hopefully Sue will stay in her own house now.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

Very fascinating, especially as neither of mine have done this to that level. They will play games & be different people & I have to call them by the *random name* but it stops when that game stops. They like to swop places for a bit & I will be the child & they will be the mummy, but it doesn't go on for that long really.

[cherade9.livejournal.com]

Adam has a whole other persona, Holly, with girls clothes, make up, perfume and toys. She'd incredibly important to him. The longest he's stayed as her is a weekend and she's very different person to him in a lot of ways.

Thankfully he doesn't get so cross if we forget and call him Adam. It's more important to him that we accept and respect his right to dress as her and 'be' her for however long.

I think you're doing the right thing for her. She's come back as herself and, I hope, feels like you respected her right to express herself. All we can do is give our kids a safe place to express themselves, to explore who they are and give them the freedom to figure it out themselves. You're doing a good job :)

[biascut.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so glad for your sake that she's back!

How aware was Emer, by the way? Did she understand a difference between Sue and Linnea?