Sue is going home

[ailbhe]

At bedtime this evening we were informed that Sue would be going home tonight, in the middle of the night, and Linnea will probably come back, and wake us up, and tell us all about what she has been doing at Sue's house.

Sue has a mummy but no daddy.

This has all been very serious. It's been a bit like having a polite Martian visit. It has not in any way been a joke. Unless the punch line is tomorrow.

ETA: Sue drew me a picture of her mummy on the blackboard - she has long, curly hair. I was too uptight to ask what colour the hair was so I just made interested noises.

I'm really hoping that when Sue is gone I can just settle into being proud of Linnea's ability to act.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

This is very interesting. I can't wait to hear about Sue's house.

[biascut.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm glad Linnea's coming back! I was starting to get a bit creeped out secondhand, so heaven knows what it was like for you.

It'll be interesting to see whether there are any traits of Sue's that stay behind.

[ailbhe]

After she was in bed I was telling Rob about it - and how she hasn't even slipped up, she's maintained the lack of relationship throughout - and I got a bit upset.

I know it would be wrong to tell her to stop being silly and get cross but if this goes on much longer I will have to let her know it upsets me.

[ailbhe]

She asks about Sue with the same slightly distant, polite manner Sue used to ask about where the bathroom was / where her bedroom was / what we called things (lightswitch, toaster, lampshade, etc). It's very grown up, and I don't think she used it before.

[biascut.livejournal.com]

But she is YOUR Linnea home? Were you allowed a reunion hug?

[ailbhe]

Yes, absolutely, and she's been very patient about my wibbly "I'm so glad you're back" at irregular intervals since.

I'm glad she kept her word about Sue going in the night and Linnea coming back.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Oh, good. I certainly hope Linnea had fun at Sue's house. It'll be interesting to hear what that was like.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

By the way, have I mentioned how impressed I am with how you've dealt with your "Sue" visit?

[ailbhe]

I do wish you would. I've never felt so distanced by her, not even when she was refusing to let me read to her or tell her stories. I realise that this is important for her, but it's hard.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Yeah. She's learning how to create an identity for herself, to become her own person. And you're letting her do it.

And you note that the person that she chooses to become is a polite, decent person. And that she DOES want to come back, too.

You're letting her become who she is. And you're finding out that that person is actually a pretty decent sort.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I also think that it's going to be quite reasonable for you to let Linnea how much you missed her, when she gets back. Of course, you didn't want to make Sue feel unwelcome, and Sue certainly IS a decent girl, and was nice to meet, but I'm certain you'll let your daughter know how nice it is to have her back, and how much you missed her.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

How fascinating. I'm sure you will be glad to have Linnea back - and I hope she doesn't wake you up until it is light!

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're getting Linnea back, and I second xiphias's being impressed at how well you are dealing.

[pauamma]

Would it help to tell Linnea that she must get your permission before Sue can come visit? (Like for any other friend.)

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about the wisdom of that - I mean, Linnea is choosing to treat Sue like any other friend at the moment, but on some level she must be aware that Sue is really part of herself. Telling her she needs permission to express that part of herself strikes me as possibly counter-productive. I could see it leading her to become more distant in the Linnea persona to compensate for not being allowed to be in the Sue persona.

[rosefox]

I'm so impressed with your self-control around all of this. I hope you'll write it up in a single document so that someday Linnea can read it and be reminded that her parents really will support her no matter who she is.

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

I am so glad Linnea is coming home. And I echo the others who have said how impressed they are at the way you have dealt with this, and agree that it will be good to welcome Linnea back with great joy, telling her how much you have missed her, and that she should ask you before Sue comes to visit again.

[(Anonymous)]

I spent several years of my childhood, from when I was a little more than Linnea's age until I was about 8, being a small boy from ancient Rome by the name of Toni (short for Antonius Paulinus). I even have some letters my mother had kept, which I wrote to her when she was in hospital for 3 weeks, signed "Love, Toni".

I had never considered, until I read about your visit from Sue, just what this may have felt like to my mother. She never said. None of my children ever invented alternative IDs, so I can only imagine what it must feel like! Definitely a bit unnerving, I would think.

Elaine

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing this with us. As I think you know, I'm quite interested in the ways we construct personality/ies, and it's fascinating to see Linnea experimenting with that and finding ways of expressing it. I think xiphias is right, you've handled it very well - and I think Linnea is streets ahead of where I was emotionally at her age.

[clarithmetic.livejournal.com]

This is really fascinating. Weird, and probably a bit scary for you, but I am so impressed at Linnea's perseverance and presence of mind.. I am certain I couldn't have kept an act like that up for more than ten minutes when I was four.
I think you've dealt with it in just the right way, being nice to Sue, but letting her know that you miss Linnea - maybe this is part of the test? Linnea's amazing determination might mean you have some ups and downs with her over the years, but I am certain it will serve her extremely well in adulthood. What a smart little girl!