Anniversaries and PTSD

[ailbhe]

Linnea will be four years old in 20 days. Rob and I have been together 9 years.

I think I'm over the PTSD. Some of the remaining symptoms are just exaggerated symptoms of anxiety anyway, which means I'm down to normal levels of, um, stuff. I'm also very sleep-deprived so not really up to a proper post about it.

But we've been together nine years. It's been eventful. Full of drama, noise, books, clutter, and a growing sense of family. We've both changed a lot, but in the same direction, I think. Nine years ago I couldn't have imagined some of the ethical choices I make now, and nor could Rob. We certainly couldn't have imagined our children.

And there's no way we could have imagined that the birth of our first child would lead to such a horrendous catalogue of mental and physical trauma fucked-up-ness. But we're both off antidepressants. We've both learned to do housework and figured out who was expecting what from whom (and ow, was that a roller-coaster ride through ingrained sexisms!) and, well, it all looks set to continue.

From the outside, it doesn't look like we do much, me and Rob. The changes and growing are all on the inside, and they're slow. But we are both, constantly, changing.

Together.

I love it.

(I also like not being nearly half as mad, yo.)