Is being asked for a list of things I want. Rob has spent ten years learning to buy presents and he's now very good at it. That's one of the things I like most :)
I hate it (being asked for a list of things I want). I usually tell people who insist on a list that if I wanted to go shopping for myself, I know how to do that. If they don't know what to get for me, they should just not get me anything. If shopping for me while thinking about what I might like is a chore, I'd prefer they let themselves off the hook.
I have an all-purpose presents list on my website, to which I point relatives, friends, etc. The main value in it is to reinforce not getting things I don't want. I give some options of things I would enjoy receiving, just so I can't be accused of being unhelpful.
I have a mixture of specific things - an Amazon wishlist of lots of things I'd love to have but can't justify spending the money on right now - and generalities, the categories of things within which the individual taste of the giver can be exercised. It's worked rather well so far.
I've written one for my son this year, as last year (his first Christmas) we got far too many things for him, most of which are only just becoming appropriate now. Again it is mostly to fend off another deluge of clutter. I've had to explain the Child Trust Fund to my France-based father-in-law, and say that yes, French-language board books are just fine, what's wrong with exposing him to more than one language?
My husband, unlike Ailbhe's, is not especially good at buying presents. We have taken recently to discussing and settling on "joint" shared presents that one of us organises obtaining. Last year he did all the shopping, this year I have.
I have an all-purpose presents list on my website, to which I point relatives, friends, etc. The main value in it is to reinforce not getting things I don't want. I give some options of things I would enjoy receiving, just so I can't be accused of being unhelpful.
That just wouldn't work for me. [Note that I'm not saying it doesn't or shouldn't work for you and your loved ones.]
Getting things I don't want is part of the chance I take when I make it clear that no one is obligated to get me a gift. Making a list for people to choose from feels about as emotionally significant as sending them to the grocery store with a list -- I can buy the groceries I want with my own money. The joy of gifts for me is finding out what someone will choose for me of their own volition, not making sure that whatever I get meets my full approval. The effort and care that go into choosing a gift for me matter far more than the content of the gift itself, so almost by definition, a gift I select for someone to give to me is basically meaningless, or at best is a money transaction.
I think either your relatives are much better at learning the not-obligated part than mine, or you are much better at dealing with unwanted clutter than I am.
On the not-obligated part, it helps to just keep reinforcing that over time. On the clutter part, yes, I'm really good at decluttering, between having a librarian ex-wife and being a total FlyBaby (http://www.flylady.net) (beware: much pink goopiness on that site, but I find the methods sound).
I had an Amazon wishlist for years (as a this-is-stuff-I-want-to-think-about-getting list) before it occurred to me I could use it as, well, an actual wish list for when people started muttering about gift-buying...
(I find the real problem is remembering to take stuff off that I've bought)
Oh God, I hope it doesn't take Taras 10 years to learn to buy presents *sigh*
The good news is that my in-laws, who usually insist on a list (and then tell us that the list we have provided isn't long enough) have asked if it's OK if they just give us cash this year, as they're going to Cuba for the holidays. What a relief!
Rob learned a lot of other things too, including how to cook, parent, do his own laundry, etc etc etc. The biggest current project is grocery shopping to a budget.
Up until now we've settled on a system whereby at my birthday and Christmas he goes to the best games shop in town and buys whatever game(s) he thinks I will like, which so far has worked out pretty well.
Most other things he either already knew how to do on his own, or we have decided to share tasks according to individual abilities (for instance, he makes all the phone calls to plumbers and dentists and such, and I book our holidays online), or he's actively working hard at doing a better job at(cooking more often and tidying the kitchen in a timely fashion).
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 10:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 10:33 pm (UTC)I have a mixture of specific things - an Amazon wishlist of lots of things I'd love to have but can't justify spending the money on right now - and generalities, the categories of things within which the individual taste of the giver can be exercised. It's worked rather well so far.
I've written one for my son this year, as last year (his first Christmas) we got far too many things for him, most of which are only just becoming appropriate now. Again it is mostly to fend off another deluge of clutter. I've had to explain the Child Trust Fund to my France-based father-in-law, and say that yes, French-language board books are just fine, what's wrong with exposing him to more than one language?
My husband, unlike Ailbhe's, is not especially good at buying presents. We have taken recently to discussing and settling on "joint" shared presents that one of us organises obtaining. Last year he did all the shopping, this year I have.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 10:43 pm (UTC)But this year I got Stephen Fry's "The Ode Less Travelled" for my birthday.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 11:53 pm (UTC)That just wouldn't work for me. [Note that I'm not saying it doesn't or shouldn't work for you and your loved ones.]
Getting things I don't want is part of the chance I take when I make it clear that no one is obligated to get me a gift. Making a list for people to choose from feels about as emotionally significant as sending them to the grocery store with a list -- I can buy the groceries I want with my own money. The joy of gifts for me is finding out what someone will choose for me of their own volition, not making sure that whatever I get meets my full approval. The effort and care that go into choosing a gift for me matter far more than the content of the gift itself, so almost by definition, a gift I select for someone to give to me is basically meaningless, or at best is a money transaction.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-30 04:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-30 06:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-30 06:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-30 01:39 am (UTC)(I find the real problem is remembering to take stuff off that I've bought)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 10:39 pm (UTC)The good news is that my in-laws, who usually insist on a list (and then tell us that the list we have provided isn't long enough) have asked if it's OK if they just give us cash this year, as they're going to Cuba for the holidays. What a relief!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 10:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-30 01:19 am (UTC)Most other things he either already knew how to do on his own, or we have decided to share tasks according to individual abilities (for instance, he makes all the phone calls to plumbers and dentists and such, and I book our holidays online), or he's actively working hard at doing a better job at(cooking more often and tidying the kitchen in a timely fashion).
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-29 10:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-30 07:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 09:04 pm (UTC)Oddly enough, this never seems to satisfy people ;-)
I do have a list of books and a very few CDs, which most of the family are now OK with, even the mother-in-law though it took about a decade.