Voice Post: Potty training

[ailbhe]

Comments

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

Wait? She's a little late for a girl, I suppose, but still younger than Colin was when he suddenly got it. Again and again I see with him that there's no point in pushing things, he does them when he's ready...

[ailbhe]

We waited until she wanted to do it, she did it perfectly, now she just cannot be bothered. It was its own reward to begin with, we didn't need stickers or anything. Now it's old hat. But I don't think we can put her back into nappies after two months out.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

Mmm, difficult. I suppose if you *did* put her back in nappies, it would at least cut down on the cleanup hassle and at the same time make clear that having accidents on purpose is not what big children do; but I do understand your reluctance. No other suggestions I'm afraid. Colin's (touch wood) always been quite bothered by accidents and we haven't ever had the "doesn't want to stop playing to go" problem, so no experience.

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

Yes, you really can. If you try to prevent her from regressing, the regression will last longer. I had a late potty-trainer, and giving up attempts to force him to stay on a linear training path was the best thing I ever did.

[ailbhe]

You and Alison are on my page.

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

I applaud you for letting your little darling set her own pace.

[aegidian]

"an accident on purpose" ??

That sounds like she has control.

I'd put her in 'bg-girl' pants and save the nappies for overnight or as a reminder of what she's grown out of.

[ailbhe]

She has been in big girl pants for months.

[niallm.livejournal.com]

Stop rewarding the bad behaviour with visible results on your part - no more X's for bad when she presents with wetness. (Do them post hoc as necessary for your own record keeping). Reward good behaviour, ignore bad behaviour?

Me tentative

[ailbhe]

we're thinking of this- it's what we *were* doing but I think it wore off. We need a better bribe. She's not all that interested in mere approval.

[alison.hemuk.myopenid.com (from livejournal.com)]

I just don't think wearing underwear is worth bribing them for, especially if the bribe or punishment has to keep escalating. It's its own reward.

I can't imagine you'd consider bribing her to learn to read - why's this different?

[alison.hemuk.myopenid.com (from livejournal.com)]

IMO, you either just carry on with underwear, but not making a big deal out of either being dry or being wet - because that just makes more stress for you and doesn't have an effect on her, as you're finding - or put her back in nappies and tell her that if she can't be bothered to use the potty or the toilet, you can't be bothered to clean up puddles.

Keeping your emotional investment as minimal as possible would be the key thing for me.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much what I'd do as well, for the record.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

Fwiw, I think I'd keep her in pants and make her do as much of the cleanup as possible herself (preferably leaving anything that really needs to be done by you until a time when she won't see you do it, so that she doesn't get the satisfaction of "making" you do something). I'd probably try to meet any refusal with a quiet statement that you aren't going to do anything else with her until the cleanup is done, and then answer any requests for toys, painting or whatever with "have you cleaned up yet?" Other than that, I agree with Alison's comment about trying to minimise your emotional investment. The ideal would be to get to a point where, when she presents with wet pants, you just say "well, you know what to do", without looking up from what you're doing. I realise this may not be 100% achievable, though :-)

[heraldis.livejournal.com]

threaten to put he back in nappies like a baby?

The other reward system I have seen is a jar with tokens in. A certain number of tokens are needed to get a reward, and a token is removed for every naughty act, or put in for a good one.
Dunno if it works, mind!

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

What happens when you run out of tokens to remove, but need to remove another?

[iuil.livejournal.com]

Is there a particular reason you're marking the negatives rather than the positives? You're basically emphasing the unwanted behaviour rather than the wanted. Keeping track of the times she does use the potty and having a small reward at the end of a dry day would possibly be better.

[ailbhe]

That's what we were doing until Friday, when it became really obvious it didn't work. Also marking the negatives definitely helped on Saturday and Sunday but has now stopped working. What you suggest was better until she became unbribable.

Rob and I need to discuss it. We may need to use book confiscation and return as her bribe, and that may be too much for me.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I Am Not A Parent, so I don't know if my advice is worth anything, but I think that my instinct would be to just let her go back to nappies, without making a big deal of it one way or the other.

Just trying to put myself into her head (which, admittedly, isn't easy in that I've never met her), my gut says that this is something about feeling insecure about growing up -- she's trying to maintain herself as a baby. My gut says that she needs a little more time to mentally get up to where she is physically, and that she'll get there on her own, and that another month or two in nappies isn't going to kill her.

You may, of course, have her change her own nappies. That's something I've known other kids to do -- they are old enough to do be able to do so, but are still feeling insecure.

[heraldis.livejournal.com]

For a non-parent, you have a wonderful insight. I'd not thought of things that way, but what you've said really rings true and I shall try and remember it, thankyou!

[artela.livejournal.com]

Speaking as an older child, it is a big jolt when your parents get another baby who they then have to spend some of *your* time with... it may not impact straight away, but it is possible that she thinks that by acting like a baby she will get back some of that (now shared) attention.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

It may even just be a comfort thing. It might not even be as second-order as "get more baby-attention" -- it may simply be "being a baby was comforting -- I will be one again."

Potty training

[(Anonymous)]

I just couldn't cope with all those bribes, rewards etc and hence left Emily in nappies until one day she just announced that she didn't need them any more, and she was right. But she was perhaps, at the time, older than some who were out of nappies: but I didn't think it mattered, and still don't.
Daphne