Fuckign Furious

[ailbhe]

Rob's going in to work again. Today was supposed to be TOIL of interrupted paternity leave when he worked last week; they called and he's going in again now.

I'm livid.

I'm much angrier than that, in fact.

This is the fourth time they have interrupted his paternity leave. Twice the day he went in. Once on Sunday - on a Bank Holiday Sunday when he was on paternity leave - and then today. Why? Because they need his help on some technical documentation they've been working on for months. I have never encountered more pathetic time-management. It seems like nothing at all is ever planned for accurately in this place. When he took the job, he asked at the interview about things like daily working hours being adhered to, not being on call, not being routinely required to do out of hours work, all the usual things that enable one to have a life outside work. And he got satisfactory responses. They are completely not living up to this. I'm furious.

Comments

[the-warwick.livejournal.com]

Work haven't got my home phone number. Once my work mobile is off they can't get to me. They can't abuse what they haven't got.

[cookwitch.livejournal.com]

I would be absolutely furious too. If T has the day off, I answer his mobile if they call, and state, quite calmly, that he will not be in touch until he's back at work. Being a Dragon Lady Receptionist has its advantages.

[beverly-sutphin.livejournal.com]

I totally understand your frustration. My hubby was told when he took the job that he could get 3 solid weeks off when I gave birth. They ended up bribing him with money to only take one week "off" (they still bugged him daily) and work half-time from home the second week (who knew halftime was 10hrs/day?). They hired a post-partum doula for me. Gee, not to sound ungrateful (the help was phenomenal and totally useful), but ummm DAD BONDING WITH BABY... FAMILY BONDING TIME. *sigh*

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Oh, good god, that's INSANE; also insulting and enraging and lots of other things too monstrous to spell.

I rather like cookwitch's strategy. There's an odd twist whereby sometimes, being unavailable earns you respect, rather than censure. Though I suppose if the relationship allows them to show up at your door and drive Rob to the office, being unavailable becomes a bit trickier.

(Would they have done the same if he'd been on holiday? Probably, by the sound of it. Mind you, they probably think paternity leave is a holiday. It's not Work, after all, is it? Oh, the rage.)

[songster.livejournal.com]

Why doesn't he say "No"? If it's been being worked on for months, why is it suddenly this urgent?

[shinydan.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* Bastards.

[ailbhe]

The deadline, apparently, is tomorrow morning. Why doesn't he say No? I have no idea. Perhaps because then they'd get the idea that he occasionally thinks his family is more important than his job, and we couldn't have that, could we?

[niallm.livejournal.com]

It's not my business, really, but I'd probably resign in those circumstances. It's not like Rob's talents aren't in demand.

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

This is all so far out of order I just can't imagine how they could think it's okay. What's his union situation? Is his workplace big enough to have anything organised? (Doesn't sound like it, though.)

[surelars.livejournal.com]

What happened to "no"? Or maybe, "I want to be with my baby, so, no".

Giving priority to family, and in particular making childcare a responsibility for both genders, really, really start with men. It starts with men saying "I want to do this, and I'm going to be committed to that". I'm sorry, but men who "oh I want to but I couldn't get the time off" or "I have to go in for this major project" or "my employer does not understand" piss me off. Big time.

We can make excuses forever. And while we do, nothing will change. With these things, the private really, really is political. Yes, it's not easy. Yes, you'll be up against resistance. Though. If you want change, if you really want to be there for your kids, resistance is there to overcome.

So stop blaming others. Stop saying how difficult it is. Stop whining. Do. Make the kid the priority. If you as a father cannot put your child before everything else, how the <expletive> can you expect others to? And if you can't, maybe you should have <expletive> said so before having a kid.

Sorry for ranting. Strong men who's spine turn to jelly when it comes to standing up for their kids makes me "#¤!%!! angry.

[surelars.livejournal.com]

No, that would be a terrible thing. Right up there with "men are responsible for children".

[surelars.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I'd never, ever do that for my partner. I fully expect my partner to form zir own priorities, make zir own decisions - and live with the consequences.

[ailbhe]

I think they deserve a "No" first, though. So far he's done "No" and then "Oh alright then" if they say "Pleeeeeease." A "No" that he actually sticks to would be my next step, if it was up to me.

It's not, really.

[perdita-x.livejournal.com]

this sadly sounds far too similar to how Kian is treated at work.

Today is the first day of holiday of a two week break and his boss has already phoned him pestering about something or other. If there are any other phone calls this fortnight then I'm answering them and telling his boss to go swing..

This may not sound like his boss deserves it yet, but believe me he does! But that is a rant for my own LJ.

[surelars.livejournal.com]

There's that. There's one person in the world who can stop it. One.

[shreena.livejournal.com]

If I were Rob what I would do is: change the landline number; and just turn off the mobile on days when not supposed to be in work.

[rmc28]

I'd do it if fanf and I decided that was the best way to deal with a situation. As it happens, his bosses understand work-life balance. Also, he routinely ignores his mobile if he can't be bothered to answer it, sufficiently often that if his family really want to get hold of him they ring my mobile instead.

[mrs-warwick.livejournal.com]

I did that on occassion. They never tried twice.

[ailbhe]

I did call his boss the Sunday before Emer was born to say that Rob was going to A&E, ill enough that he might miss the section on Tuesday morning, and would not be at work on Monday.

[ailbhe]

He's not interested in joining a union, though if I did ALL the research for him he probably would, if I insisted.

[surelars.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'd do it if asked to. If my partner where to say "I can't stand it, I can't control it, please stop it for me", I'd do that, certainly. But I don't expect that to be the rule, and I'd never do it on my own.

My partner do get called from work. Sometimes she will decide that whatever it is really is important and that she can fit it into our home life. That's fine with me. Her call, her priority, her life. If she do it too much and end up hurting me, kid, or relationship, we'll have to talk about that - and in the end she will have to live with the consequences.

I'm not here to tell her what to do.

[(Anonymous)]

You know the word "their" is gender-ambiguous, right?

[supermouse.livejournal.com]

I hear you. I so hear you.

[da-pol.livejournal.com]

Tell him to learn the mantra "Failure to plan on your part never constitutes an emergency on my part"

[cookwitch.livejournal.com]

*nods* Aye. I've only actually needed to do it twice. They don't call now.

[surelars.livejournal.com]

I'll remember that one.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

It's not their job (even though it might be in their long-term interests) to manage Rob's work/life balance - it's his, and it's with him that you should be furious. IMHO.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

*stab*! though i agree, he should learn to say no too.

[barakta]

Can you persuade Rob that this makes you /really/ angry (which can't be good for any of you) and that if he can't say no and stick to it, you will be forced to do it for him. I can't imagine anyone wanting their partner to ring/write to their boss and giving them a huge lecture.

[ailbhe]

I'm furious with them for allowing poor management on their part to create business-critical emergencies that depend on him to fix them when he's unavailable, and I'm furious with him for fixing them, and I'm furious with Society and Upbringing for creating a climate where men are expected to put everything else second to Work and women are penalised pre-hire for refusing, in general, to do so.

There's quite enough fury around here for everyone, believe me.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Grrr! Argh.

[flybabydizzy.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, yes
My husband took a couple of weeks holiday when ds was born - this was before the days of paternity leave. It was a pain in the bum, as I neede time alone with the baby, so I could sleep when he slept, etc.
When dd came, dh wasn't so pleased. He took half a day off to look after ds while I was in hospital, and the babysitter wasnt available, then the day I cam out of hospital, then he was back to work 'because he was needed' ha! He just didnt want to be home that time, when he could have been useful looking after ds. I just had to get on with it
ooops, bitchimess control was switched off"

Takes two to tango...

[squishsplash.livejournal.com]

Sounds like Rob is invaluable to his workplace. And that is, of course, a nice feeling. But has he looked at the coin from the other side?

Is his employment somehow "at risk" if he doesn't agree to unreasonable demands?

If so, he should be job hunting!

If he's just invaluable, then they should be doing things to ensure his continued employment there, like a bit of a family-friendly attitude!

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Yes, he does.

You do know that signing your name to comments generally gets you more respect, right?

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that kind of behaviour from a workplace would be illegal in this country. Is there a community law service you could talk to free of charge that might know whether it is in the UK? If you use the magic words "legal liability", Rob's workplace will do backflips to keep their names out of the court news.