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ailbheUhuh. I can about measure how much respect that person thinks is due, then.
Quoted from a public post in a community:
How is this remotely useful? If she really feels so strongly about inductions (for pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes and various other things, as it happens; I haven't seen any in that community for maternal convenience) then surely she would get her desired result more effectively by presenting each individual poster with a little useful information in a sympathetic way? That's what I do when I see women in the same community being obviously misinformed about breastfeeding. OK, the day I gave a woman advice on how to dry up her milk because she didn't want to breastfeed, I then had to put the computer away and cry, but I did it. And I didn't attack her or assume that her reasons for doing it were invalid or that she was a weak or bad person for doing it, because I only had a very small part of the story.
I, for one, am glad that that attitude is leaving the community. It's not going to help anyone, and it could well damage several people who already feel guilty for having high blood pressure or funky blood sugars or whatever.
And I'm going to continue to tell these women all I can back up with references about induction and about how to talk to doctors to get real information and not "don't worry your pretty little head" babytalk.
Damn I'm angry.
Quoted from a public post in a community:
After a short stay in this community, I have decided to leave. With all due respect, the number of women scheduling inductions in this community is crazy high, and as I am preparing for a water birth at home, I don't want these over-medicalized posts tainting my psyche.
( A rant about inductions ) [Ed: I have not included the cut text]
I'm sure many of you will make very defensive comments rationalizing your induction. Save your breath - whatever you have decided, I hope for the best for you and your baby. Good luck.
How is this remotely useful? If she really feels so strongly about inductions (for pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes and various other things, as it happens; I haven't seen any in that community for maternal convenience) then surely she would get her desired result more effectively by presenting each individual poster with a little useful information in a sympathetic way? That's what I do when I see women in the same community being obviously misinformed about breastfeeding. OK, the day I gave a woman advice on how to dry up her milk because she didn't want to breastfeed, I then had to put the computer away and cry, but I did it. And I didn't attack her or assume that her reasons for doing it were invalid or that she was a weak or bad person for doing it, because I only had a very small part of the story.
I, for one, am glad that that attitude is leaving the community. It's not going to help anyone, and it could well damage several people who already feel guilty for having high blood pressure or funky blood sugars or whatever.
And I'm going to continue to tell these women all I can back up with references about induction and about how to talk to doctors to get real information and not "don't worry your pretty little head" babytalk.
Damn I'm angry.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 09:34 am (UTC)*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 10:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 10:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 09:42 am (UTC)The response? "Bye. The door is over there. Don't forget to close it on you way out... and leave your key too."
You are angry because you are a reasonable, helpful person who gets frustrated when common courtesy, understanding and plain common sense gets swept to one side, sometimes through ingorance ... but generally through sheer bloody-mindedness.
Don't get angry ... smile and relax, and be happy that you are a nice person (tm). The world could do with more nice people.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 10:00 am (UTC)This chick sounds like she needs her nose rubbed in reality. So she's having a home birth water birth with all the holistic trimmings and doesn't want to know about nasty things like genuine problems which might just harsh her mellow? Geez, let me crack open the whine and call out the waaaaahmbulance for her. Persons like that are the reasons why the phrases "fuckwit", "unsympathetic git", "entitlement much?" and "so far up oneself one can see daylight" were invented.
I hope her birth goes well. No, really, I do. Because if it doesn't, she's going to have the biggest shock in history, and she'll come rushing back to the community looking for support, and I'd hate for the lot of you to have to put up with the agony of trying to keep straight faces and not comment about it.
In the meantime, this icon is for her. Many *hugs* for you, and may all your birth plans work out positively.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 10:04 am (UTC)People who talk about things "tainting their psyche" are nobody I want giving me advice about anything whatever.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 02:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 10:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 10:29 am (UTC)that made you cry?
Date: 2006-07-28 11:10 am (UTC)I know what you mean. The birth story I read today where the baby born Monday is already being given "formula top-up" by Thursday, made me feel melancholy. Why do I feel this type of pain so strongly?
In the case of the mother who walked away from the pregnancy community, I'm not so angry. I think she's doing what she has to, to cope. And I think her final post was made because she feels bad about leaving.
Do you remember being young, and saying things just because you felt they needed to be said? With maturity you learn how to be constructive, how to influence people, etc. But I think she's just not capable of that just at this moment - and I understand that. She's not leaving because of the purity of her beleifs, she's leaving to try and cope with her own issues. She's leaving because she feels she has nothing to give the group, and she's not getting anything from it either.
Also, as a side effect, her post has triggered some interesting discussion. 102 replies and counting...
In our need to be supportive of each other, we've let a number of really hairy induction-related birth stories go by without any analysis of induction at all. Just off the top of my head I can think of one story where induction lead to epidural which lead to c-section in the classic "slippery slope" style, and another where the induction and safe delivery of the baby was then followed by kidney collapse and coma. In both cases, we nice polite mothers all said how glad we were that mother and baby both made it, and left it at that.
I'm not suggesting that it's the least bit appropriate to go slathering information about the evils of induction all over someone's birth story. But I am saying that there is/was a feeling of unquestioning acceptance of induction in the mainstream of that group, which I was fairly glad to see challenged (even if it had to be done in such an extreme way).
Re: that made you cry?
Date: 2006-07-28 12:39 pm (UTC)And this woman isn't particularly young - she was born in 1984, according to her userinfo, making her about 22! That's plenty old enough to know that bitching people out isn't nice.
Re: that made you cry?
Date: 2006-07-28 01:43 pm (UTC)I *do* point out the evils of induction
Date: 2006-07-29 01:37 am (UTC)Absolutely - you are a model citizen on the list. You bring a rare and valuable combination of good information and compassion. It's more that through nobody's fault, there hasn't been a real opportunity to discuss inductions lately.
On the other thing, I didn't mean to suggest that "this woman" is young. I just think she's vulnerable, and "not at full capacity" right now. So I don't blame her.
I can also see why you do blame her. With what you've gone through, you have to wake up every single day and *choose* to be strong. You choose to face your fear and not become a basket case, AND you choose to do it in such a way that involves continuing to engage with people, and helping them to be wiser, stronger and more in control of their lives.
No wonder you take it personally when someone who says she has similar beliefs to you declares "I'm going back into my shell to look after myself now". There's probably some small part of yourself that wants to do that too, and some rather large part of yourself screaming "No - that's wrong."
I did reply here to be supportive. It's not my intention at all to be critical of you. But I also believe that just agreeing is not the same thing as loyalty/support.
Re: I *do* point out the evils of induction
Date: 2006-07-29 06:50 pm (UTC)On the other hand, didja see that someone posted to say she'd been prompted to educate herself? Didja? Didja?!
postponed to educate herself
Date: 2006-07-30 01:47 am (UTC)Also, having very recently over-reacted a little myself (the email spam incident I mentioned) I was probably more willing than normal to forgive others their excesses...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 12:10 pm (UTC)You know, a lot of people even on my friends list (I haven't had time to read communities and feeds for ages) post stuff that I don't hugely want to read. For example, I'm not reading people's posts about the situation in Lebanon at all. But you know, my mouse has this handy thing on it called a scroll wheel. When I see something I'm not interested in reading, I just flick my finger on that awesome invention and look! It's gone!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 06:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-28 01:10 pm (UTC)