Talk to the bump, baby

[ailbhe]

Clare said "I have just been getting the are you completely mad looks from friends when I mention going to the pool."

IMPORTANT SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: Saying any or all of the following may lead me to poke you in the snoot.

"Oh my god you're eating tuna?" "Don't you know you shouldn't drink tea?" "Swimming will kill your baby!" "That child should have a hat on." "You're gaining too much weight." "I can tell it's a boy because you're so wide." "Hahaha you must be ready to burst!" "If you walk too much you'll start labour early." "Don't eat milk or you'll make the baby lactose intolerant." "You should have a salt water bath every day to keep swelling down." "It's dangerous to have a bath after 30 weeks in case you get an infection." "Showers cause varicose veins." "Overcooked and undercooked meat will give you cancer." "Never eat anything but salad when you eat out so you don't gain too much weight." "Never eat salad when you're out in case you get listeria." "You can't use sunscreen when you're pregnant." "I can't believe you eat peanut butter." "Should you really be lifting that?" "If you don't watch your sugar intake you'll get diabetes." "I once heard of someone who read about someone who did whatever you're doing and there were DISASTROUS CONSEQUENCES."

That is all.

Comments

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

OMG! Didn't you know that posting to LJ when pregnant can damage your baby?

[ruthi.livejournal.com]

Shame, you have had a pretty snoot.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

erupting with unsolicited advice WILL GIVE YOU CANCER.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

A common one around here is, "don't lift your arms up over your head! The baby's cord will wrap around its neck and kill it."

[kightp.livejournal.com]

The only disastrous consequences I foresee are for those foolhardy (and rude) enough to say something like that to a pregnant woman. Ever.

[ailbhe]

I laughed so loud at this I was afraid I'd wake Linnea. Thanks :)

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

Oh for heaven's sake. Do what you think best, go where you're comfortable, and eat whatever you damn please. :)

[mrs-warwick.livejournal.com]

The comments that had me ready to hit people were
'haven't you had it yet?'
'my god you're huge - are you having twins?'

and people touching the bump - they only tried that once!

[ailbhe]

I just thought - how am I supposed to brush my hair?!

[beaq.livejournal.com]

You should SEE the pregnant women in Baltimore.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

*T-Shirt slogan*

"Offering unsolicited advice about preganancy may lead to a broken nose."

It's a bit wordy, but while they're reading it you can make your escape.

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Oh, but there's an answer to that one: "Well, my husband/partner/boyfriend/sperm donor [delete as appropriate] certainly thought so!"

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Honestly, with all those things that could go wrong, one wonders how the hells the human race managed to survive until now. (Oh yes, that's right, it didn't - it spontaneously appeared last Thursday morning, and all that history is just bunkum thought up on the spot).

About the only one of those I can understand getting horrified about is the "eating tuna" one, and that's purely because I happen to feel tuna has the texture of cardboard, and the taste of cardboard sprinkled with fish sauce. Eat salmon instead, it's much nicer *grin*.

In the meantime, eat what makes you happy, do what makes you happy, and feel free to offer the bozos a punch in the snoot from me as well.

[flybabydizzy.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, the old wives tales abounded 20 years ago - shouldn't do this, mustn't do that - yet the antenatal ward I was on for 2 months had a day room set aside for women to smoke in.
(I have to admit to thinking 'that baby should have a hat on' but know how difficult it can be to get one that stays on, so try to think, 'that baby shouldn't be in so much direct sunshine' - but I don't actually SAY anything)

[nitoda]

What amuses me and underlines the point about fashions in babycare is the changing advice on how you should put your baby down to sleep ... the rules they provided me with nearly thirty years ago are strongly counselled against apparently today (I have a colleague with a young baby).

[ailbhe]

What's funny is that the Old Wives Advice when my mother had babies was to put them on their backs to sleep - but doctors and baby books said they should sleep face down. The SIDS stats indicate that the old wives were right after all, it seems.

[pauamma]

"Should you really be lifting that?"

Yes. Bringing it down on your head is much less strenuous than throwing you bodily through the window, but equally satisfying.

[thealmondtree.livejournal.com]

Along with "well I didn't like to ask"!

[supermouse.livejournal.com]

But you really shouldn't bang together two-subcritical lumps of uranium!

[merryhouse.livejournal.com]

Nobody ever touched my bump (well, except Rob and maybe a sister or two when I said "oooh it's kicking, feel"). *Ever*.

Am I really that scary?

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

You and me both, apparently.