How can I make her behave?

[ailbhe]

This is a problem I cause for other people, I'm sure, but it bothers me more when other people cause it for me.

How can I expect Linnea to sit still when other kids are running around? Most relevant in bookshops and restaurants. So far, I don't; if I don't have the energy to chase her, I avoid like the plague places with running kids.

Everyone else has a chocolate biscuit and she has none. She's dairy intolerant. It's really very sad to see. So why shouldn't she sulk and stamp her feet?

Other kids grab her drink. But she's still not allowed to grab theirs. Should I just not care? Is there a point where I only enforce the standards of other people, in public places, and not my own?

I suppose the most irritating one is that her attention span is much longer than most of her peers', and I get annoyed when she plays with them and they flit from activity to activity - if it's just a pile of toys, it's not so bad, but if it's ten minutes' telly and 20 minutes' painting and 15 minutes' building blocks and so on, things that mean moving from room to room and doing prep and undoing prep, she ends up unsettled and sort of odd and unLinneaish.

This is just a whinge; I'll deal with it the way I deal with everything else parenting-related; I'll muddle through as best I can. But it's easier to parent in a bubble.

And much, much more tiring.

Comments

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

I have the same problem, badly behaved children out there, with my (mainly) well behaved children watching & taking it all in. I tell Kate they that are silly & that's she a big girl & doesn't need to do the same.

[ailbhe]

They're not necessarily badly-behaved; there are restaurants here where kids are allowed by staff to run around between tables; it keeps them quieter, in general, and there's enough space that it's not dangerous as long as the staff are aware that kids will be running. But sometimes I'm too tired to cope.

That's just an example. It's *different* standards; arbitrary lines drawn in different places.

[arky72.livejournal.com]

I am also intolerant of other people's children running around, and it is not unknown for me to say politely and firmly in my best teacher voice "Go to mummy". They usually do!

Just feel proud you have taught Linnea the way to behave in different places - after all, these other children obviously don't know there is a difference between a restaurant and the park.

[ailbhe]

Depends; a children's restaurant *is* partially for running around in. I haven't seen many kids running around in non-kid places here, except that one of the places we go is a kid-place at weekends and a grownups place during the week.

[arky72.livejournal.com]

I'm even more intolerant than that!!! A restaurant to me is for eating, not for running around in, whether it's for children or adults!!!! I may be over the top though!

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

Yes, sorry, that's what I meant really. I blame insomnia. I see it at the big top playzone we go to regularly. I keep an eye on my children (not the easiest thing to do with 2 who play in different areas) but I feel it's part of my parental responsibilty to ensure that they are i) safe & ii) not being a nuisance to anyone else. A lot of parents sit there gossiping & drinking coffee & have no idea what's going on around them.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Weegirl is very good about "our rules" vs "other people's rules". We have a rule that people do not run indoors unless it's a place where they're allowed to (eg indoor playground, children's restaurant as above) or it's an emergency. So she doesn't run indoors (unless there's an exception as previously described).

As for other children's behaviour as applied to my child (as per your example of taking Linnea's drink, above), I would have stopped the other child and said "We don't take people's drinks without permission". If the person who was minding the child had a problem with it, they could take it up with me. No-one ever did.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I handle these issues in much the same way as micheinnz. I might be tempted to avoid the children's restaurant, though, if it was encouraging running between tables rather than, say, in a separate soft play area. Running in restaurants is a safety issue as well as a disruption issue - too many people carrying things that are hot/breakable/liable to ruin your best pair of trousers.

This is somewhat adjacent to one of my favourite rants about how often the people who say that kids "can't sit still" until x age are the same ones who compliment me on how well mine sit still in church/cinemas/restaurants/whatever, and how said people seem to expect that their own kids will magically acquire this ability when they hit x age and are then surprised when x comes and goes without any noticeable alteration... What, put work into your parenting? Nah, it's all supposed to happen automatically like in the fairytales, innit.

[k425.livejournal.com]

Running around - if other children are doing it I tend to let him, unless he/they are being disruptive (I've spent a fair bit of time in church running up the aisle after Jack and after his friends when their parents are attempting to deal with their other children. We share that duty!).

Drink-grabbing I stop. Jack isn't allowed to snatch other people's drinks and other children aren't allowed to take his. I explain that we don't take other people's drinks/biscuits/pens/whatever. No-one has called me on this. Again, I fully expect other people to do the same if they see Jack taking things from other children. I think I'm lucky, being mostly at church in this situation, because everyone views the children as a shared resource and everyone feels secure in attempting to gently instill some degree of manners in the toddlers.

I'm afraid Jack is one of the short-attention-spanners, so I can't help there.

[k425.livejournal.com]

Ah, and I meant to say, is it possible to get dairy-free chocolate biscuits? I've found chocolate-coated rice cakes, they might be possible? Then she could have something that looked similar, if you wanted her to have something.

[ailbhe]

If I know there's going to be a snack, I bring her something she can eat, and that's fine. But if I don't know... or if I think the snack will be fruit... well, that's sadder.

I think I might just be firmer about cup-sharing. There *is* a small circle of us who have cupsharing kids - 4 families - but I really am not happy about it going further than that, so I might stop it in that circle too.