The withdrawal method

[ailbhe]

Linnea is asleep. I have taken painkillers for my mangled nipples.

I fed her until she was furious at the lack of milk, and called Rob, and we watched her thrashing about for a while, and eventually she allowed me to lay a hand on her chest. Then she allowed me to hold her hand, instead. I sat by the bed and held her hand until she seemed to snore; I withdrew my hand and her eyes popped open, so I laid it back on her head and she dropped off for real. When I removed my hand again she turned over violently and was obviously asleep.

It's the first time she hasn't been nursed to sleep in about a year. I can't decide whether I was being "mean" or not. I know I couldn't bear the pain any more.

The sooner this illness is over the better for everyone.

Comments

[k425.livejournal.com]

You're not being mean!

Your description is how we graduated from nursing to sleep to cuddling to sleep and from there we moved to self-settling, but it took a few months! The only difference between what you did last night and what we did is that if Jack didn't fall asleep while nursing, or woke up when I moved away, OldBloke did the cuddling, otherwise Jack would have nursed and nursed and nursed and like you, I'm attached (in more ways than one) to my nipples.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

You are not mean. Nursing to sleep is a wonderful comfort, but guiding her to sleep in her cot because of your own physical wellbeing is necessary and much more gentle than what most moms out there do without thinking. When Squeaky was about... 10 months? she suddenly started startling awake every time she was put into her crib (we don't cosleep -- dh thrashes in his sleep. It would be bad.) But a few nights of her not sleeping well at all, and I, too, put her in her crib after nursing and tried to keep her comforted so she'd go to sleep. Despite me touching her and talking with her and caressing her and holding her blanket down so she'd stop trying to climb up the crib, she cried. She cried for three hours. But it was the frustrated annoyed cry, not the "omigod i'm scared and alone" cry. Not that it made it any easier. I honestly don't think I could have done much else, other than trying to keep her balanced and safe on top of me on the couch all night until she got through the starts, but what sleep I was getting would have been shot too, and it's obviously not very safe.

Last night I could hear squeaky tossing in her sleep. Her fever is being kept in check with ibuprophen, but the cusps bring some spikes up to 103, and if she isn't drinking a lot of liquids she's still not going to feel great. The doc said it's not strep or anything else obvious, so "just a virus." Hopefully it'll go away SOON.