Motherhood: As it was done unto me, II

[ailbhe]

We learn about motherhood primarily from our own mothers, I think. And from our formally and informally adopted mothers, I suppose.

What my mother didn't teach me, my informally adopted mothers did.

They taught me that it's ok to want to be accepted, approved of, and loved. They taught me that it's ok to ask to be accepted, approved of, and loved. They taught me that when you least expect it, you can suddenly arrive "home" to find a birthday cake and seven waiting grins, singing Happy Birthday because you're sixteen and you've asked no-one to make a fuss in case no-one remembers.

They taught me to use vitamin E cream on burns and vitamin C for a cold. They taught me to drink wine and to love champagne and that it is possible and normal to have a library in one's own home, a book utterly utterly lined with books, no space between except for reading armchairs (and toys!).

They taught me to fight and shout back when shouted at, to rage instead of to cry, to make up even after years of silence and not-talking-to. They taught me that if I think I can do something, I can go ahead and do it, and through that, I learned that if I think I can do something, I almost always can. They thought I could do it so I could.

They picked me up when I was sick - one of them diagnosed my miscarriage years before I admitted to myself that that's what it was - and they let me cry when I broke up with a boyfriend. They gave me somewhere to stay when my flat was burgled, when I had rows with boyfriends, when I couldn't bear to go home to my own family.

They taught me to cook breakfast and bath babies and write a CV and to show people my writing. They taught me to be unashamed of doing well.

They taught me that if 95% is my best, then 95% is ok.

They taught me that I'm fine and dandy, just the way I am.

And they taught me that my own mother believed that too, however hard I found it to believe. But now I believe it, it's obvious to see. She shows it all the time.

Comments

[pauamma]

And somewhere along the line, they (or your own mother) taught you to pass along what you learned, and to do it beautifully.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

I had no idea my mother loved me as much as she did until I became a mother myself :)

[faeriebluebell.livejournal.com]

You have an amazing ability to use words to define life. I love reading your entries. I picked up the link at 43things and haven't been sorry since! Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. It's quite refreshing.