Medical

[ailbhe]

Well, that was the shortest appointment ever. We arrived, were shown to a room, a registrar came in (whome we'd never met before). I described my symptoms, he said he wanted to examine me, I said I had hoped that the ultrasound they did before, plus my GP's examination, might suffice. He expressed surprise that I appeared upset (How many people approach with equanimity a rectal exam that is absolutely guaranteed to be painful? Hmm? Answers, please!)and toddled off to speak to the chap I met before, the one who actually did the ultrasound. The "consultant". I'm a bit hazy on degrees here - but the consultant appears to be in charge.

The consultant thinks I have my expectations too high and that it's likely that this is as fixed as I get. He also thinks I'm too uptight to be examined anyway, so he's going to send me an appointment for an exam under general anaesthetic on the 8th of August.

Please excuse me while I freak out a bit here. My "expectations are too high". I expected to be 25, having had a kid, and able to do wildly unreasonable things like, ooooh, use a tampon, or, God forbid, have sex. And I can't. My baby is 14 months old now - or very nearly - and I am 26 and a half, and I'm beginning to feel like it's a form of secondary infertility. Rob and I are discussing how we might cope if this really is as good as it gets. We're both young. This is, pardon the melodrama, a life sentence for both of us.

This has got to be fixable. They can fix anything nowadays. If sex reassignment surgery is possible, surely fixing an owie ought to be, too?

Comments

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

*boggle*

WTF?? Can you get a second opinion, if even after the exam he says the same thing?

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

That's outrageous on their part. They must be able to fix it better than that.

I would demand a second opinion.

[artela.livejournal.com]

Demand a second opinion.

[kyte.livejournal.com]

Holy....

*hugs*

I hope you get the fix you need and deserve!

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

I'm freaking out here on your behalf!!!

I agree you need to get a second opinion, and a bit sooner than August 8th - you can't be expected to be given that kind of information and then be left to stew on your own for nearly 2 months.

Are you still seeing a counsellor? I think this would be a case for an emergency appointment. Today. You are not being melodramatic.

*Even more hugs than I left in the last post*

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

Here I was thinking they did similar surgery in Africa and the Middle East frequently.

Second opinion, yes.

Possibly from a female doctor (unfortunately -it shouldn't make a difference- this may help).

:::grumps on your behalf:::

Re: Medical

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

sheesh.

ok, instead of freaking i'm thinking: maybe there is some disconnect here. i'd inquire of the consultant which of your expectations he thinks are too high, and how much too high that is; ie. what he thinks you can expect instead, and why. in detail, please.

and then i'd definitely get a second opinion.

sorry this is so crappy for you. it's bad enough to deal with the injury; there's no good reason why doctors with lousy bedside manner ought to add insult to it.

[heraldis.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to join the ranks of outraged on your behalf.
Plus, what the bleep calling you uptight? Like to see them have their insides ripped up then prodded by a stranger without any pain relief!

Let alone why aren't they offering a local anaesthetic option for something so painful?

[bafleyanne.livejournal.com]

I'll just join the chorus of people thinking a second opinion is in order. I hope you get the answers and the fix you need, one way or the other.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

*joins in the chorus as well*

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Sounds like I am in good company here.

[niallm.livejournal.com]

Ailbhe,

Nihil carborundum. Use the system for yourself. Get other opinions.
Do research. And most of all remember there is a support network!

Niall

[ailbhe]

I carbonrundered a while ago. They've ground me down to some kind of angry core. They're going to regret it.

[rosefox]

How awful! I wish you were here so I could send you to my wonderful caring doctors. I hope you can find some of your own out there soon.

I note that if he really thought you were out of your mind, he wouldn't have scheduled you for a further exam. It sounds like he just didn't like your distress and responded very badly to it. You'd think doctors would be familiar with distressed patients and how to help them feel better! Goodness.

[k425.livejournal.com]

The consultant is indeed the one in charge, but from experience, that doesn't mean the most able.

See what happens in August, but start looking at names and thinking about getting a second opinion.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Ye flipping gods!

I'm almost in tears reading this. I'm so sorry that you had to see such an arrogant "consultant". I hope you can get referred to someone else.

I can't help feeling there's a bit of "you brought this on yourself" in the doctors' attitude, and also a bit of "it's a woman's problem, so it's not important". If it was a man who was too damaged to have sex with his wife, wouldn't that be a major tragedy? Whereas if a woman is too damaged to have sex with her husband, that's her problem for being too uptight.

Also, let us know if you want to go private. I'm sure lots of people you know would be willing to donate some money towards the cause.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

(How many people approach with equanimity a rectal exam that is absolutely guaranteed to be painful? Hmm? Answers, please!)

None. I'm sure my friend savageknight who went through a similarly invasive procedure recently (and his was to check that 'things were still ok') won't mind my posting what he posted about his reaction:

As for myself... I still don't want to talk about it. Although I got the all-clear signal, the test I went through was the most violating, painful, and emotionally shattering thing I have ever experienced in my physical life. A 2 minute test that had me blubbering in pain and shock, locked in the bathroom for 20 minutes at the hospital before I was able to go home... to lock myself away again and spend several hours in complete agony. I couldn't believe the documentation they gave me ahead of time casually stated that I could "return to work without difficulty" afterwards. Barbarians.

[sshi.livejournal.com]

yeah, I had to do an amount of kicking and screaming to get anaesthetic for something similar and man, was it a good idea. I'm trying not to think what it would be like without.

and, Ailbhe, right behind the second opinion, absolutely. you would think that consultants would generally have developed a practical knowledge of patient psychology by that stage of their careers, wouldn't you?

[rmc28]

Too uptight?!!?. Bloody hell, I want to go talk some sense and a semblance of a bedside manner into this person. I've immense respect for your courage and strength, it'd be nice if they showed some too, or even just some common-sense regarding the necessity of a painful examination.

And it must be possible to fix you better. Just what expectations exactly does he think you have that are too high?

Hang in there.

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Argh! *throws things at clue-free consultant*

*spiky things*

Others have said what I have to say, so just *hugs* for the moment.

[barakta]

I don't like the sound of your doctors one bit. What expectations? They need to clarify what they mean by that as well as explain exactly what they think they /can/ do. AND they ought to be offering your referrals for 2nd opinions.

Can you go back to your GP and seek a referral to a different gynae consultant/team? Do you have a sympathetic Dr you could visit and discuss this with in a more timely and less distressing environment?

Like what others have said, if there's anything your friends can do, we would do what we could to help.

Natalya

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I have to add my voice to this. For the consultant to give that basic information without really sitting down and talking to you about it this time was really missing the mark. It was poor bedside manner, it was poor medical practice. I hope you're able to talk to someone else. It's got to be more fixable than it's already become.

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

That sucks so badly.

I would like to believe that if you put this in exactly the terms you used in your second last paragraph to your GP to explain why you believe you should get a second opinion there will be no argument.

Good luck.

[firecat]

What baratron said. All of it.

[grumpoldusenaut.livejournal.com]

That's utterly ridiculous on the part of the consultant.

Different problem, but when I had to have a colon endoscopy as part of ruling out more sinister things than irritable bowel syndrome, I was given pethedine. I was not *offered* the option of not having painkillers, let alone required to do without.

What everyone else said. Ask your GP to refer you for a second opinion.