Dread!

[ailbhe]

I ought to be in bed, but I'm here drinking port. I have that appointment with the colo-rectal specialist tomorrow, and a bunch of people on livejournal are attacking me for having raised Linnea according to her individual needs rather than according to international childcrea guidelines.

I am trying to stay out of it, since I don't actually need to justify myself to them, and I do know I did the right thing, but it's hard.

Comments

[baratron.livejournal.com]

*hugs* if you want them

btw, my postal address is linked from my userinfo - you should be able to see it :) If you still need me to email it, let me know...

[firecat]

If you want me to go kick them, let me know.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

In a few weeks time I shall meet Linnea for the first time and I shall be overwhelmed at how happy, healthy, and obviously well cared-for she is. And I shall tell you so, at great length.

[ahruman.livejournal.com]

Bugger guidelines. They change every few years anyway.

It was only a few years ago that Officialdom recognised that reccomending you avoid exposing children to any kind of dirt whatsoever flies in the face of the past few decades of medical research.

[ahruman.livejournal.com]

Here, that is. I won’t speak for your officials.

[buzzy-bee.livejournal.com]

The irony is she was within guidelines, but they are saying guidelines don't apply.

[zinecure.livejournal.com]

some people seem to feel that they know everything and we should all conform to them. In my opinion, not that you want it, children are different, what works for one doesn't always for another....so in reality there should be no international set of rules on child rearing;)

BTW, tyler has out grown the fussy all nighters...well for now at least:)

[charlosmum.livejournal.com]

a bunch of people on livejournal are attacking me for having raised Linnea according to her individual needs rather than according to international childcrea guidelines.

What? From what I've read in your posts, you sound like an ideal example of motherhood!

But I felt that way today -- it was my daughter's 2nd-year checkup and I could tell the nurse-practitioner thought we "spoil" her. It ruined my whole day.

Good luck for your appointment with the specialist.

[feetnotes.livejournal.com]

- "aol!" - "aol!" - "aol!"

- the linnea you describe is an intrepid and merry baby/toddler determined to explore and enjoy the world, meet and conquer all available adults, and growing fit to bust through a world record or two, nearly - they reckon you should be doing better than this with/for her to fit into these guidelines - and do they say precisely how they define better - or worse?

[annburlingham.livejournal.com]

But I felt that way today -- it was my daughter's 2nd-year checkup and I could tell the nurse-practitioner thought we "spoil" her. It ruined my whole day.

Okay, I have a (*ahem*, sure, *one) secret vice: I watch Dr. Phil. It's either Dr. Phil or Dr. Sears (the baby book, does that redeem me?) who says you can't spoil a 2-year-old. I think. I seem to remember. Well, anyway - you can't spoil them until they're not really babies anymore - they're still just drinking it all in, developmentally. Sure, they're *trainable*, but not really *spoilable* yet, I think.

Point being, screw the nurse-practioner. Probably thinks you're sparing the rod too much.

[charlosmum.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I feel the same way. What? I'm supposed to be less attentive? Pick her up less? Not respond to her cries? Let her deal with her frustrations or fears on her own? Send her to her room?

I'm not good with confrontation -- OK, I'm terrible with it -- so I said nothing... but promptly disregarded the whole visit and anything else she had to say. And it made me feel... bad. Not "doubting myself" bad, just general "unpleasant experience" bad.

Anyway, I'm clogging Ailbhe's journal. :-)

[ailbhe]

I like clogging! It makes me feel so popular, seeing the large comment numbers.

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

Then allow me to toss my comment into the ring as well, after lurking for a few months. I love reading about how sensibly you're raising Linnea. You look to her for the requisite cues, and respond intelligently. You're not spoiling her, indulging her, or turning her into some sort of alien beast: you're raising a confident, happy young girl who knows that she has the love and support of her mother and father, and who can then explore the world from that solid and stable base. I can only hope that when my little boy comes out of NICU, I can connect with him and raise him in as successful a fashion. Best of luck to you all, and strength.

[ckd]

—and the horses they rode in behind (since they are, apparently, a bunch of horses' asses).

Linnea's happy smiles are refutation aplenty.

[annburlingham.livejournal.com]

But- but- Linnea sounds totally hale and well! And every child is different. (Thank goodness our pediatrician takes this attitude; another might have told me to feed him more solids or formula, because he ranks so low on the weight grids. Our doctor always says "He's lively, active, and healthy. He's just tall and skinny. He's *fine*. We like this doctor.)

I have a friend who had a baby two weeks ago. I called her and found myself telling her that I get daily, constant, "You're not good enough, you're doing this ALL WRONG" messages internally - not that I think they're all really coming from me. But mothers get this constant stream of "you're not GOOD ENOUGH, you're RUINING the child" messages from everything around us. I told her to ignore as much advice as possible, including mine, and listen to her guts. I don't know about your guts (I don't know what's going on, but I think I'm concerned about them, and I know I'm sending all good health thoughts your way), but I know you're doing fine, as fine as any of us overworked, underslept, guilt-plagued mothers are doing. I think your instincts are working fine. You're thoughtful and paying attention, and that is, dammit, good enough.

Anyway, *your* baby probably didn't eat dirt and go for a stroll through poison ivy today, did she?

[ailbhe]

Not the poison ivy part, no.

Our problem is that Linnea was ready for solids *far* younger than most people. Like, you know, everything else she did.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Oh, *that* criticism. Sheesh, people can be food-obsessed sometimes.

Xander was also ready for solids quite early. He's eaten everything on your "proscribed" list, and then some (like my Coke, on which I was really trying to stand firm). I snoot! in their general direction. With peanuts.

[ailbhe]

Linnea hasn't had peanuts. As far as I know, anyway. But have you read my pome about being a very bad mammy?

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

*hugs* good luck with the specialist. i thought good parenting was about treating your child as an individual myself :/

[gmh.livejournal.com]

Screw 'em. They're pinheads.

And no childcare plan in existence survives contact with actual real children.

[ailbhe]

Mine did!

OK, I cheated - my plan was "We'll see what works."

[owldaughter.livejournal.com]

This has just become my motto! Thank you for the giggle.

[gmh.livejournal.com]

I confess, it's not original; it's a paraphrase of a quote by Field Marshall Von Moltke (1800-1891):

"No battle plan survives contact with the enemy."

I still think it's as applicable to childcare as it is to warfare.

G.

[buzzy-bee.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

You really didn't need that last night, did you.

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Hugs, and good luck with the specialist, and booooooooooooooo to people who try to imply that you're mothering wrong. (Hmmm. Perhaps a cloak of magic duck feathers would allow such ridiculosity to flow off more easily?)

International childcare guidelines. Hah. When I was a baby my parents were (a) firmly instructed to put me sleeping on my front, (b) told to feed me on a rigid four-hourly schedule (they lasted about half a day, apparently - for which feebleness of resolve I'm very grateful!), and (c) attacked for having children at all when population explosion was such a critical issue (presumably by people who didn't want pensions, doctors, plumbers, etc. when they got older).

But today's guidelines are different, of course - we've ironed out all the errors of previous eras, and our advice is infallible. Don't you know.

Yes, it's hard. And yes, you are doing the right thing.

[k425.livejournal.com]

Far too late to be any help, but I believe in reading the baby, not the books. And everything I've read here indicates that that is exactly what you do, and you are raising a happy, confident, bright daughter.

I hope today is going okay for you.

[rmc28]

What she said. Thinking of you.

[mollydot.livejournal.com]

Silly people. Where were they doing that? It sounds like they haven't actually read your journal.

[mobilemum.livejournal.com]

Ah that's crap! I hope you feeling better today, never mind the begrudgers.
M

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

(((((Ailbhe)))))

I hope it goes ok today.

And yes - you did the right thing. Block your ears and don't listen to the attacking people.

(((((More hugs)))))

[ailbhe]

It was a parenting advice group - they took issue with my saying "Every baby is different. I wouldn't advise anyone to do X, but I had to do it with my baby, so you never know," or similar.