Better late than never?

[ailbhe]

Mormor would love that pill-divider... but she's dead. Nana would like to know that I've been knitting, I should put it in my next letter... but she's dead. I wonder whether Mormor will be better or worse when we go this summer? Ah - she'll be dead. I'd better save copies of those photos for Nana - but she's dead.Nana has been dead for about 8 years now and I almost saved her photographs of my daughter, who is only ten months old.

So when do I stop making mental notes of things to do for dead people?

Comments

[livi-short.livejournal.com]

I nearly directed Ori to my Aunt's house to introduce him then i remembered she died three years ago.

A good friend of mine died 5 years ago and i still think of him on a regular basis, i took Ori to a gorgeous place in Heysham and then suddenly remembered that it was the site that my friend decided he had had enough of the world, there were fresh flowers to make the spot.

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

I've knitted a good bit more on the poncho I was making Nana when she died last month. I am not sure why, since it's not a colour I would pick, but I just can't not finish it or unpick it, it's still hers. So I have to carry on with it, ready to give to her. She'll like it.

[buzzy-bee.livejournal.com]

I still do this as well, wanted to phone my Aunt (dead 10 years at Xmas) about Lachlan. She wasn't even on the phone when she was alive. Being a long way away makes it seem less real as well, because there isn't the same gap in your life.

[caerleon.livejournal.com]

So when do I stop making mental notes of things to do for dead people?

Never I hope.. those dead people continue to live in your memories of them.. every time time you think "I'll just do this for so-and-so, oops, they're dead" you are doing your little bit to keep them alive.. as long as they're remembered they never really die..

[feetnotes.livejournal.com]

"making mental notes of things to do" for them, that wears off after a time; noticing things they'd've liked (or hated), things you'd've liked to do for them, or have got for them - never.

not everyone is able to do or make something that will live on after they die in the minds of people who never knew them; but, like caerleon says, friends live on, so long as they live in their friends' memories.

[rmc28]

I cried in the shower after getting engaged, because I was planning to ring my Granny Ada and tell her, and then I remembered she'd died two years earlier.

Sometimes I forget that fanf never met her and catch myself saying "Do you remember when Ada said ...".

The other sad one is my still-living grandmother Cecillie whose dementia is so far along I can't ring her, and when I see her it's a tossup if she recognises me or thinks I'm my mother or one of my aunts.

[k425.livejournal.com]

I don't think you do. I still find myself thinking about asking someone something or telling someone something and then remembering they've been dead nearly 20 years.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

So when do I stop making mental notes of things to do for dead people?

When you stop loving them.

Love doesn't stop just because people do.

(I think this is wonderful, btw.)