Me and my spoons

[ailbhe]

For the past 3 months or so, I have been using The Spoon Theory to describe to myself how I manage my life now that I'm in pain all the time. It's a good theory, or illustration, or whatever it is. And, you know, I don't generally look sick, which makes it doubly good.

Sitting and reading uses only millispoons, and taking 60mg of codeine gives me extra spoons, but is bad for my baby. Walking around for a day uses lots of spoons, but cheers me up so much that it's worth it if I can do it on a Friday so that Rob can mind the baby the day after while I recover.

Going away for a week's enjoyable and relaxing holiday with minimal moving around or activity of any kind, to Sweden, used up all my spoons, every day, and ran me into debt on the days with flights. That's why I'm not going to the funeral, even if I'm over this virus or whatever. I can't. It would mean Rob had to care for me, my baby, and his own grief, all at once, and that's not fair.

Spoons, eh?

Comments

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

I use the spoon theory, too. And I think you're making an intelligent, loving decision to not go.

Are you going to have someone at home with you to help you?

[kyte.livejournal.com]

Spoony...

Actually, depression and anxiety eat away at the spoon supply too. Some days I feel all out of spoons. I rarely have as many spoons as I need to get everything done...

Or, in other words, I understand, and wish you well.

[ailbhe]

Yes, I still can't get through a day without help unless I put Linnea in her cot and stop caring for her at about 7 pm. Which is manageable for a day or even two, but no more.

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

I've just run out of my spoons for today, I think, so going home as soon as the editor gets back.

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

taking 60mg of codeine gives me extra spoons, but is bad for my baby
Do you notice a direct effect on her when you take it? The principle reason given for not taking codeine while BFing is that the baby can suffer an addiction similar to the mother's, but if you are only taking it intermittently that shouldn't be a significant factor. It can cause a drowsy baby, in newborns, but Linnea should be big enough now to avoid that, surely?

I have taken codeine (in the form of co-codamol, both OTC and prescription strength, as well as several other painkillers) pretty much throughout our nursing career (but never two days running since 12 weeks pp) and although we will both need to be a little careful about weaning off it, I've had three OBs, a Pain consultant, two physiotherapists and two GPs tell me it's definitely the best idea to take it. Otherwise I'd be immobile all day every day and that would be far worse for the pair of us. The benefits of being somewhat mobile and getting out are high, as you know, not only physically but mentally. I still guard my spoons closely, but try to get out to a local drop-in playgroup on four weekday mornings, where I can just collapse into a chair while smallclanger plays. It helps that he's mobile now, but there are probably places you could take Linnea for similar relief? Even just sitting in a coffee shop for an hour with a good book while baby sleeps in the pushchair can do wonders. Change of scenery and all that.

[ailbhe]

A single dose of 60mg has a more noticeable effect on her than two seperate doses of 30mg. But my pain relief is not at all organised - I have had serious difficulty getting anyone to give me proper advice and I haven't had prescribed pain relief for months. I am seeing a doctor on Monday specifically to discuss this, as I can't go on collapsing in pain and I can't take more painkillers without advice; for one thing, I can only get OTC codeine in combination with ibuprofen, which isn't funny.

The principal effect it has on her is like the one it has on me - it ruins her digestion in alarming and painful ways. Sometimes very very painful.

I have rarely had two days running without drugs since she was born; she's nearly 5 months old now. This much paracetemol can't be good for me either.

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Codeine can have an alarming effect on digestion, yes. I have taken to keeping lactulose around just in case, although since I've been taking codeine on-off for three years now my system is probably more used to it. I don't know if there's a good solution for the effect it has on her, but if you find lactulose works for you at least it's a non-drug solution. A pharmacist would be able to tell you more about options for her, in the event that the GP is no help.

Co-codamol OTC is codeine with paracetamol - obviously you can't then take paracetamol between doses but it might be better than the ibuprofen version. They keep it behind the counter at most Boots stores and other pharmacies - it's not as good as the prescription strength (8/500 rather than 30/500) but IME it can make the difference between getting out of bed that day and not, which is better than nothing. Do you have the option of a Pain Relief Unit anywhere nearby? Could be worth asking for a referral there too.

I made the decision in pregnancy to have some days painkiller-free - it was very very hard at first and basically led to 'on' days and 'off' days - on 'off' days postnatally I considered it exceptionally good if I got us both fully dressed, washed, and fed. On 'on' days we went out and/or laundry got done. 14 months on we try to get out most days (on 'off' days we walk a minute to the bus stop, ten minutes in the shopping centre at the other end, and home again) and while not so much housework gets done that's more about having an active hooligan in residence than pain (although that's still a factor, hence a lot of time spent online watching him play or sleep, rather than doing housework). ;-)

Fingers crossed that you get some good answers on Monday and some relief. There seems to be a lot of 'sweeping under the carpet' when it comes to postnatal pain (even with far less complicated births than yours or mine) and that needs to change.

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Following up to myself, there is apparently a Pain Relief clinic at the Royal Berkshire, although trying to Google for further possibilities brings up the problem of Reading/reading. Plenty of books about pain out there, apparently! ;-)

[firecat]

Sounds like a wise decision.

[d-h.livejournal.com]

I can understand that one, Miche will be going to a birthday party a days travel away without the rest of the family next month, since I don't have the energy to do all the driving.
Routine is much easier, 'cause I can plan my rests.

[hypatia.livejournal.com]

to echo bopeepsheep why on earth have you not been already referred to a pain management unit? i think you reallyshould ask for this explicitly - you have nothing to lose by asking, the problem is that many have long waiting lists unless you can go privately.

a specialist unit will be able to help in a variety of ways - yes they can advise on drug options with respect to feeding, and I was also told in no uncertain terms not to skip pain relief [i had paranoia about taking stuff which was restricted even on prescription] because you end up worse overall. but also i learned lots of 'obvious' things which help in day to day which i'd never thought of myself. other pain relief aids such as tens units may be available.

pain management is a specialist area and 'grin and bear it' can actually make things worse in severe cases. i learned this the hard way.

[ailbhe]

I think because calmly saying to a doctor "I am in constant pain and I need to take x drugs y much to manage it. I can't cope for much longer," translates to "Patient too rational to be seriously bothered; pls ignore."

On Monday I will throw a tantrum if necessary. This is the "much longer" I can't cope for.

And I'll ask about the various hormones I'm taking too. I don't like the sound of them either, really.

[k425.livejournal.com]

I think a tantrum would be a good idea at this juncture. You shouldn't still be needing to take painkillers and if you are the doctors should be asking themselves why.

Kick up a fuss. You deserve, you need, to be cared for better by the professionals. I hope you get it.

unsolicited advice follows, feel free to ignore

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Have you considered using a TENS machine to help with your pain? I imagine it would be ok to use while breastfeeding, as they can be used during labour...? When I was younger and had near-constant back pain using a TENS machine enabled me to go without drugs completely some days and ease up on the dosage on others.

The only thing is, I remember you had that fainting thing going on some months before you stopped working and they thought it might be epilepsy - I'm pretty sure TENS machines are contraindicated for epileptics :( But if you haven't already asked about it, it might be worth looking into.