An expression of sympathy

[ailbhe]

I've been reading various mailing lists and other online communities, and I would just like to extend my sympathy to a particular subset of women: Those who have never met a competent man.

Oddly enough, most of the men of my acquaintance are quite capable of washing themselves, dressing themselves, feeding themselves, and even making sure that they have adequate clean clothes. Most of the men of my aquaintance try to keep in touch with people they care about, and tidy their living-spaces before guests come, and are quite capable of supporting themselves. Very few of them believe that women are helpless or useless, and most of them prefer ordinary-looking intelligent women to models of surpassing dimwittedness. Almost none of them notice or care about the kind or quantity of makeup a woman wears, though some of them can figure out lipstick if it's not too subtle. The men I know are just as capable as the women I know when it comes to caring for children for ten minutes or ten years, too.

So no, I don't actually know what you mean when you say "Ah, well, men, eh?"

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think that some people are so well trained to see the stereotype in people from other groups that we become blind to anything that doesn't meet the stereotype.

[random-c.livejournal.com]

I could introduce you to my dad, if it would help...he doesn't even know where to find his socks.

[korenwolf.livejournal.com]

*eeep*? The sock draw surely? Hell I normally have a better idea of where things are than herself :)

[random-c.livejournal.com]

Yes, but he wouldn't know where that was. Or how to work the washing machine or dish washer. I'd like to leave him to his own devices for a while, see what happens...

[korenwolf.livejournal.com]

Brain go big badaboom!

Nope I can't get my head around this, washing machine... easy. If nothing else keep the whites, coloureds and darks all nicely separated. Dishwasher.. errr... what's to do with it. Hell I even know how the hoover works as well as those things I'm meant to know (power tools, farting and putting oil in the thing with four round things at the corners).

I blame my mother, naturally.

[sshi.livejournal.com]

Probably what happened to my father when my mother got seriously sick a few years ago - he learnt the hard way what the washing machine was for (other than occasional replumbing) and started trying to pass off Dolmio pasta sauce as 'an old family recipe' :>

[astrogeek.livejournal.com]

In general I don't think it's that men are incompetent or incapable. They just have different priorities.

For instance, the duglet doesn't cook. It's not that he can't cook - anyone can cook, it just involves putting foodstuffs in a saucepan and turning on the heat. He just doesn't ever get the urge to do it. And cleaning. He'll happily help with cleaning if asked, he just wouldn't ever notice that the house needs a clean, so left to his own devices it wouldn't get done.

To be fair to him though, clothes washing he does manage to do under his own initiative.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Yes, but then there's my husband, who goes around picking up my empty glasses and putting them in the dishwasher, closing cabinet doors behind me, and returning my shoes to the closet after I leave them under the coffee table.

We have competing anecdotes. What neither one of us has is hard data about what "men" are like, in comparison to "women."

[grmbledook.livejournal.com]

I hate these stereotypes that people have .... just like that of Irish women are small and feisty ....

Admittedly most of the female side of my Irish clan are small ... and feisty ... but that's no reason to have the stereotype ....

and don;t get me started on blondes .... Blonde isn;t a hair colour ... it's a state of mind.

Erm ... mine's the fleece with the bluetooth gadgets in the pockets.

i'm not sympathetic. :)

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

Those who have never met a competent man.

i actually doubt that they're able to recognize the ones they do meet.

"Ah, well, men, eh?"

*shudder*. nothing quite like that to make me want to rant about people who believe and perpetuate idiotic stereotypes.

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

I have to be honest - I am a *very* lazy person, and housework (and all it entails like cooking, cleaning and all that) is very low on my list of priorities. I'd rather not bother with any of it. So although Steve wasn't fully savvy of the stove when we first met, by now he's actually able to prepare himself a decent meal, clean up after himself, and deal with the washing.

(He still hangs things out all cack-handed, upside down and sideways, but I don't bother getting upset about it - I just go and change the way my stuff is hanging if I feel strongly about it.)

I'd say a lot of these women who have "incompetent" men are the ones who feel that if they don't do it, it will *never* either get done, or get done right. I've learned that this is not the case. It's just that most men have a different queueing system and priority structure to most women. One thing I've noticed with Steve is that if I'm telling him to "do X", he'll say "yep" and put it on his list of things to do - at the bottom. Meanwhile, I've already had it come to the *top* of my list of things that need to be done (which is why I mentioned it), and I start getting ratty about it. Once we'd sorted that one out, I stopped feeling quite so martyred about the housework, because I realised that all I had to do was put out the full list of things I was going to need done. It's all about communication.

No man is truly incompetent. It's just different priorities and an odd sorting system which leads to things being done for what looks like no logical reason. Once you sort out the thinking path, it's fairly straightforward, though.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

I've noticed this at my new workplace. The women sit around at morning and afternoon break bitching about their husbands and boyfriends. I don't say much because I don't have anything to bitch about, and I know from experience that if I _say_ that I don't have anything to bitch about then I'll get snarky comments like "aren't you the lucky one then". Well no, I'm not lucky. And I'm convinced that d_h isn't all that unusual, either.

[ailbhe]

Smile sweetly, and say "No, just picky."

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Mrrrrow. :) Good one -- thanks!