Help

[ailbhe]

I am awful today. I hit Linnea.

Edit: Waiting for a call from a social worker. Friend here, Health Visitor called, etc.

Edit: The Health Visitor says we are safe parents, and is looking for help for us.

Comments

[rmc28]

Glad to see edit.

You are not awful. You did something regrettable, but you are a good person.

[bens_dad]

Very pleased to hear that the Health Visitor is finding help.

This seems like a sign that you were trying to do more than it was fair to ask of you.

Remember that it takes a village to raise a child. Health visitor and social worker are part of your village. I hope that we can help too.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

That sucks.

It's a mistake. It doesn't make you a bad person, or even a bad parent.

[geekette8.livejournal.com]

The very fact that you feel awful about it shows that you are not, in fact, awful. You are a human being who did something suboptimal. ***hugs*** for you and for her.

[pauamma]

What she said. Also, you acknowledged publicly that you did, and asked for help, short-term and long-term, with preventing further incidents. You *feel* awful, understandably. You are not awful IMO, however.

[kaberett.livejournal.com]

All of these things, as somebody with one parent who immediately regretted hitting them on the rare occasions it happened, and one parent who only stopped when I started hitting back.

[snorkel-maiden.livejournal.com]

You are talking about it, and you have asked for help. You are NOT awful. You are a person dealing with a massive amount of stress, and sometimes something will give.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

You're not awful, you're tired, stressed, worried and human.

[the0lady.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Emphasis on tired.

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

We all have awful days, and hitting Linnea is terrible, but it's recoverable from. Have you apologised to her? I'd see if you could cope with that as quickly as possible.

I was just thinking that I was going to check to ask you if you had alerted the mental health team to the terrible strain you are under. Or perhaps has Rob? They need to be able to come in and support during this dreadful time, given the strain of Astrid's breathing problems.

Are all three safe and secure at the moment? Nappy changed, fed, and doing something to keep them occupied? If so, any chance you could have a bath, or call someone to come and sit with them, whilst you sleep?

Sleep is the issue here, and the solution. A rota of people coming in to take care of the kids, whilst you can sleep in a long block in the day, knowing Astrid is awake and has loving eyes and ears on her, is what you need.

Sleep, perchance to dream. That's what we need to try and get you.

Everyone can recover, with some love and care, and sleep!

*hugs*

[venta.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine is very big on the distinction between "I am stupid" and "I did a stupid thing today". It's important. Even if you did a thing which you think is awful (once, while under a lot of stress and underslept), it doesn't make you awful.

[allyphoe.livejournal.com]

Yes, this exactly.

[the0lady.livejournal.com]

It's like the distinction Bréne Brown makes between shame and guilt. Guilt is "I did something wrong". Shame is "I AM something wrong". Guilt is motivational, shame is destructive.

[ai731.livejournal.com]

This. Also, well done for calling the social worker & Health Visitor, and having a friend come over. You're doing the right things to manage an extremely stressful and difficult situation.

[thereyougothen.livejournal.com]

This is useful, thanks for sharing it.

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

Have you aplogised & are you able to sit quietly until you feel calmer? Ignore any To Do lists or housework, apart from what is completely & utterly necessary.

*tea* xx

[leedy.livejournal.com]

You're *not* awful, you're an extremely overtired overstressed person who made a mistake, and realized that she made a mistake.

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

Do you have someone she trusts who can take her for a while? This is a really horrible time & you need (and deserve) support.

[k425.livejournal.com]

You did an awful thing, but you are not awful. Talk to Linnea about what happened, and talk to people who can help you. You're under a lot of stress.

[barakta]

I agree with others that awful things are not the same as awful people. I hope you get the help you need as you are absolutely under scary amounts of stress. Sending you, Linnea and the family good thoughts.

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

What everyone else says. Take care of yourself.

[gmh.livejournal.com]

Argh. What everyone else said. If there's any way in which we can help, please let us know.

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

Glad you have some support. Now don't do what you normally do, and act like you beat Linnea half to death and are about to take all three kids to the dump. :-) Just be honest, and don't try and make yourself sound like the mad woman. Simple descriptions, not judgement!

And take out love with you. :-)

[batswing.livejournal.com]

I wish my parents ever, ever realised that hitting us was a horrible thing. They never did. You made a mistake but you are not a bad person. This can be recovered from.It seems like while I've been off LJ you've been under an incredible amount of strain and you're actually being so strong, realising you need help and reaching out for it.

Thinking of you all.
x

[elisem.livejournal.com]

I care about you, and will be thinking of you and sending love and calmness.

[flybabydizzy.livejournal.com]

Much love, empathy and many many hugs.
Everyone else has said it all.
I have seen you interact with your children, and I've never seen such love and patience. A combination of things pushed you past your normal supermum level, and you broke momentarily.
I hope those you have called on will help you to take some of the stresses off youself, and to stop you beating YOURSELF up over this, and be healed.

[thereyougothen.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said. And tea. And some time to sit quietly with the tea. I wish you good sleep.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

From your previous post it sounds like you are exhausted and stressed to the point where you can't think rationally any more. Like others, I am very keen on the distinction between "I am an awful person" and "I did an awful thing". I don't believe you're a bad person at all, just totally out of cope.

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear you are getting support. And of course you are safe parents! :-)

[irishkate.livejournal.com]

Basically what everyone else has said in spades and hugs for you and the kids.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

I have no sensible comment. I'm thinking of you, and Linnea, and all your family.

*hugs you*

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry, and so glad you're getting some help.

[merryhouse.livejournal.com]

What they all said. You are a good person who made a mistake because life is hard work.

[jexia]

Exhaustion messes us up in many many ways. You have asked for help which is terrific. Take care of yourself; you MATTER.

[cherade9.livejournal.com]

You poor thing, you must be so upset and tired. You've done all the right things, you have every right to be as exhausted as you are. I wish I was closer, Adam, Martin and I would have a lovely time playing and taking care of the wee ones. Don't be worried about asking for help, it's there and you need it. I wish you much restful sleep.

[k425.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that help appears to be forthcoming.