4mg of valium down

I might take another 2mg. A bit after midnight I had the kind of anxiety that comes with uncontrollable shaking, chattering teeth, upset tummy, etc. Yayness.

Part of it is old demons about being lied to. Part of it is probably Linnea liking the taste of Calpol enough to take a whole day's dose at a sitting, along with a pack of biscuits. She's fine, but she's getting nasty adult medicine in future.

Urgh

Today was hideous. I think it's a combination of anxiety, the horrible mess the house is in, PMS, and parenting difficulty; there's a tricky social situation, or several, and I don't know how to handle it. Or them.

But at least everyone involved - all the adults, anyway - is willing and kindhearted and so on.

But there was such fighting and screaming today. Eventually I walked out the front door without my keys and ended up stuck on the doorstep with Astrid for almost half an hour. When I got back in, thanks to a neighbour calling the children through the letterbox and being not-me while doing so, everything seemed to have calmed down.

If my old-normal PMS is coming back, we have a problem.

But it could be plain old exhaustion; Rob just did two weeks on call, which means I am on my own from 6:30 am to almost 8pm AND bedtimes are later because of his late arrival home so we all get less sleep. Also it means he can't leave the house at weekends much so I have to do all the errands. And as well as that Linnea has been ill, and Astrid has been under the weather, and the weather was punishingly hot, and I probably have ordinary PMS as well.

I can't imagine why I might be tired, you know?

Today, however, Rob came home early, just after 2pm, and we all went swimming, and then he put up a shelf (the alcove we started shelving well over a year ago!) and cooked dinner. So there's hope.

Mind you, tomorrow he's going out for drinks with ex-colleagues after work, so it's 6:30-21:30 or later. BUT I am not alone, I have help planned.

And Astrid is AWESOME. She puts things in her mouth so that I can say "What's in your mouth?" and praise her when she spits it into my hand. She bashed my face very accurately this evening while saying "Nose. Eye. Teeth," really very clearly (Rob was delighted and surprised, which was how I knew I hadn't imagined it). She stands up and applauds herself for doing so. She is so so so communicative - she can ask for a drink with a sound and a hand-sign, she is very clear when we ask what she wants whether it's a yes or a no, it's great.

I think we might have a Roomba, second-hand off Ebay. I await the post with bated breath.