Diazepam

Well, it's a good anti-rage drug. But it made me fuzzy enough that I forgot I wasn't supposed to and accidentally breastfed Emer.

Also, I can't make phonecalls today. Bah.

I have found all the clean laundry though, it was breeding in the spare bedroom. Most of it is still clean and I've started sorting it out.

Just take your bottom off!

Trivia: our shower has broken.
( Summary of medical ick )

It was awful. Agonising pain, mental anguish, emotional trauma, all in one handy package. I have a prescription for cocodamol now, and another one for diazepam, and one for antibiotics, so we're prepared for the next try.

I can't imagine being prepared for the next try. The last time I voluntarily endured this much pain it was to conceive Emer, and this time it's to stop myself conceiving a baby, when what I most want in the world is to have baby after baby after baby? It's insane.

I am so fucking sensible. I sincerely wished I was dead today, after we got out of the surgery. But I am still wondering what to do next - do I just let myself ovulate and get pregnant? If I ovulate without contraception in place I will goto some lengths to get pregnant. Ovulation makes me go from desperate for a baby to insanely desperate for a baby.