We have reached a happy plateau of parenting. I actually don't care very much what I'm "supposed" to be doing any more. I care, instead, that what I'm doing is right for us - all three of us, and our friends.
We bought Linnea a Big Girl Bed and she sleeps there now, and not in her cot. But we did it to make it easier to nurse her to sleep, because now I can lie down beside her and nurse her to sleep, not because she's a Big Girl Now. I mean, she is - she's huge, and SO ADVANCED, naturally - but that wasn't why.
I've given up on pumping breastmilk. I felt bad about it for a while, and then I thought "Why? Why am I doing this? What possible reason do I have to give this child a bottle?" She can get her milk from source, which is easier for everyone, and if I have to go into hospital again she can have pumped milk then, and not before.
I've given up apologising to other mothers. I even read, today, a post about how a well-thought-out birth plan is why a woman had the birth she wanted, and I didn't respond "I had a well-thought-out birth plan too, but my body and my medical staff ignored it," but instead read on past it. The rest of the post just assured me that I have as little in common with this woman as I always thought I had, so I shan't be going back (though I want to go back and put another apostrophe in sha'n't, dammit).
I dope my daughter up with an antihistamine medication when she has sinuses so runny or clogged that she can't breathe properly. I also do it when she gets so overtired that she can't sleep - that's happened twice in the past 17 months.
I don't read to her very much; I do when she asks me to, but generally I let her do her own thing with books. I certainly don't teach her to count. In fact, I am trying veyr hard not to teach her anything unless she shows an inclination to learn it first. She's teaching me a thing or two, though, with little regard for my personal preferences.
I try to treat her with the respect due her position: She is essentially powerless. She is in my care, and I am solely responsible for her wellbeing. I chose this position. She did not. I'm very glad I'm not in her position; last time I was, I hated it. Admittedly, she seems to be very happy... but I do feel the imbalance of power quite strongly. So I only fight the battles I feel I need to, and I fight fewer and fewer of the ones I "ought" to.
Which is pretty liberating for both of us.
And Rob? Rob thinks I must be doing right. I'm not sure what he bases this on, but it's convenient. He swears up and down that if he thinks I'm doing something wrong he'll tell me, but I'm not altogether sure he's not a leetle scared of me and might not really. Perhaps he'd leave an anonymous comment in my journal, or have Janice do it. I'd ignore an anonymous comment, that's for sure.
And that's how far I've come. I hold my beliefs quite cheerfully, and I keep holding 'em, even when someone authoritatively tells me I'm wrong. I need more than an authoritative or self-justifying tone to tell me why I'm wrong, these days.
In other news, I'm about to have a bath and some popcorn, not necessarily in that order, and read some more of my nice HE book.
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