AAAAAAND another thing...

[ailbhe]

While we were waiting in the hospital for our taxi home, a woman stopped and admired Linnea and Emer and then spotted Astrid and admired her and said "It's a baby brother, right?" and I said "No, another girl," and she said "All girls?" and I said "All girls!" and she very sympathetically said "Every time a disappointment."

I said "I LIKE girls. I AM one."

The receptionist, about 4 metres away, concealed a huge smile, and whispered to the man beside her "You can never get it right, some people think you need some of each."

---

Linnea said "Maybe that's why your body makes girls, because it knows what you like, so that's what you get."

I said no, some people did want a boy and got a girl or the other way around, but I like babies, and I got babies.

She seemed to like that, so I was able to go on explaining the double-helix hanging from the ceiling to Emer. I didn't succeed, particularly.

Comments

[rmc28]

I love your answer to Linnea. And how could anyone think your darling children are a "disappointment"?

[serene]

People are so dumb sometimes.

[br3nda]

lol at silly random stranger.

We tend to do with whatever gender random stranger picks first. Star trek uniform, but with pink socks... people can't pick what gender that makes.

[the-changeling.livejournal.com]

People kept asking me if I knew what I was getting. I'd say yes. They'd say "Boy or girl" and I'd say "A baby."

it's amazing how many people found my answer rude, or somehow snarky. When it was just simply true.

[ailbhe]

I sometimes used to say "I wanted a puppy but I think it's not going to be one." But yes, people would accuse me of lying when I said I had no preference.

I think for Astrid I did want a girl but I'm not sure. I think I just wanted the familiar, as though that's something I could manage!

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

I am constantly shocked at the total 'not-getting-it-ness' (yes that so IS a word...) of random strangers in public places. I really should be used to it by now but it floors me every time!

[gloriap.livejournal.com]

People who are such gormless idiots should keep their opinions to themselves.

[barakta]

My dad also boggles when people ask if he minded having three girls. I think he was just glad that we were all mostly well - especially after I was very ill as a baby - I know that had a huge effect on him.

[taimatsu]

Yes, gosh, poor you, having three girls. They're very nice but of course boys are the only important sort of children. So disappointing.

(...what?!?)

[sparklielizard.livejournal.com]

I am afraid I have zero sympathy for those with gender disappointment. Whilst I can see how it might be a tad disappointing to not get a girl after, say, 10 boys, anything else is just absurd. ARGHH!!!! Worse are those who presume to inflict their own crazy gender issues on others, like you experienced. Bonkers.

Because yes, if you have all girls or all boys, their personalities are exactly the same and they will all grow up to be identical. That's why you need some of each, right? ;-)

I have two girls and if my third is a girl or a boy I will be happy, so long as they make it and are healthy :-)

[thereyougothen.livejournal.com]

I just love how Linnea is making her own sense of things.

I remember feeling an amazing sense of *relief* that Nico was also a boy, which surprised me at the time.

My mum said to me when my second son was born "Oh that's good. You'll be well looked after in your old age."
1: not the thing to say to her daughter
and
2: her own brother bankrupted her mum and left my mum to pick up the nursing home bills!

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Shortly after my mother gave birth to her firstborn, me, my mother's mother said to her "Well, that's nice, but just wait until you have a son; that's really wonderful!"

My mother figured this explained a lot about her relationship with her own younger brother.

[mecmom.livejournal.com]

I wish I could send you the music for this: Greg Brown's "Daughters"
http://www.gregbrown.org/gbiowaw1.html#daughters
"Daughters"
One is long and one is short,
One is thin and one is stout.
In the morning when they wake,
Only one's breakfast can I make.

One dances and knows
how many squares hopscotch ought to have.
One goes wah, wah, wah, wah, wah,
wah, wah, wah, wah, ha ha, wah wah.

One won't eat anything much,
I guess she lives on air and sun and noodles.
One's beginnin' to learn that the milk is over there
inside of that shirt beneath the blue eyes of the woman I love.

[chorus:] I'm a man who's rich in daughters,
And if by some wild chance I get rich in money, Like say another two thou a year or even one thou a year,
I'm gonna look in to havin' some more daughters.

When my daughter who is tall now was not so tall,
One night we were drivin' home in the truck and I was sad because I was busted and disgusted, And she looked out the window and said, "Dad, the moon is comin' home with us."
She said, "Dad, the moon is comin' home with us."
[repeat chorus]
And in the morning they make magic the house, The one that can walk, walks in warm and still dreamin'
to give me a hug or ask why it's so cold or why is there school,
"Why's it so cold?" or "Why is there school?" And the one who can't walk or talk yet just lies in bed and laughs, She just lies in bed and laughs.
[repeat chorus]

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

Sympathy. I get annoyed when people assume I planned (either somehow by bribing the universe, or specifically by test-and-destroy tactics on prior embryos) to get one girl and one boy. Um, no; I got pregnant and then nine months later a girl popped out. The next time I got pregnant, I lost it at six weeks and who the hell knows what sex it would've been. The time after that, nine months later a boy appeared. I did find out ahead of time, because I am impatient and wanted to know everything I could about my babies ahead of time, but about the only relevance it had was to allow me to tell my sister-in-law that I didn't mind her using the name we'd planned to give to a boy, because we weren't having one that round.

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

My partner cflute used to say that, if she ever did have children, she hoped she'd get a girl because she didn't feel she'd know how to raise a boy. Girls at least she knew something about, she'd been one. So what she got, by getting involved with me, was two stepkids, one of each sex... and my son is the one she has an absolutely natural affinity with and always knows exactly the right thing to say or do with him, including when I'm baffled. They just clicked from the instant they met each other. She and my daughter love each other very much, but Grace is more closely bonded to me; Joseph is without a doubt closer to cflute than to any of the rest of his parents or stepparents. He even used to look like her, before his hair darkened.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Oh, for crying out loud I don't even.

A surprising number of people who ought to know better told me, "Oh, one of each! So now you're done." Because we all know there are only two types of human, so i've got every possible variation covered!

...I never quite got up the guts to say "Well, we're still hoping for an intersexed one."

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

"Every time a disappointment."? WTF? W T F?!

I mean, I think you handled it well, but I'm still seriously floored.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

You did well not biting that woman's head off!

Also, tell us more about the double-helix on the ceiling please. If you can manage a photo sometime all the better :D

[taimatsu]

The comment above, though, is 'Every time a disappointment' - i.e. even the first one! But yes, I see what you mean too.

[wingedkami.livejournal.com]

When my mum was pregnant with my sister I did want a puppy, and was most unimpressed to be told I was getting a sister instead.

[snorkel-maiden.livejournal.com]

What a simply outrageous thing to say to anyone! I like to think I'd have bitten her head off but in all likelihood I'd have been too gobsmacked to.

Aside from the generalities anyway, I've met your children and disappointing is not a descriptor I can imagine ever using of them.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

I'm sure I've offered this anecdote before, but I'm going to go with it again.

My cousin is 14 years older than me (neither of us have any siblings), he didn't mind what my mother had when she was pregnant with me, so long as it was a foal. My poor mother, at least puppies tend to be small.

[cabbagemedley.livejournal.com]

Oh god, please do. Please please do.

[cabbagemedley.livejournal.com]

In the heart of me, I preferred the idea of a girl, because I am one and I know more about what to expect. I'll be expecting the icky ideas that the world tries to plant into her head and I can be more effective in counteracting them. But I did my damnedest to squash the preference down, because I think it's just horrible to be disappointed by a child before the poor little bugger has taken its first breath.

Now that I've got her, I also have a niggling fear that I feel more comfortable being nurturing towards a girl than I would be for a boy, and that's so messed up I don't even know where to start. I hope I can scourge that one out of my brain sharpish.

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

I... I am dropping my jaw here.

I like the receptionist's reaction.

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

Oh please... that would be brilliant.

[niallm.livejournal.com]

That's some internalisation going on, right there.

[ailbhe]

I have no idea who is doing the internalisation or where. This is probably because I am very tired and a bit ill, and it will all make sense tomorrow.

[ailbhe]

When I told the story to Rob I said "So this woman said [...]" and I didn't rip her head off and eat it!" and he said "Oh, well done!" and I said "I'd have liked to but it wouldn't have been good for the children."

[ailbhe]

14?

[niallm.livejournal.com]

Her internalisation of the fact that "girls are smelly", for the avoidance of doubt!

I'm amazed she's feel that was a useful/helpful/nice thing to say, unless it was utterly tongue-in-cheek, which you don't seem to think it was.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

Yep, my auntie (and my granny, her mum) had some odd ideas about raising children and what they should know when.

That said I don't *think* my cousin was totally serious in his requests. I should ask him ...

[ailbhe]

She seemed sincerely sympathetic.

[rachel cotton (from livejournal.com)]

I had this with my aunt - the first time she met Deborah, the first thing she said, "Well soon enough you can give her a little baby brother". To be fair to my aunt, it's the entrenched Jewish thing about wishing for a boy. But even so... jaw dropping as she herself lived in my father's (her baby brother..) shadow to a certain extent and complains about it. Something going on head wise there too.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

you so totally need to do that!

[quentinwrites.livejournal.com]

Oh you poor thing, having three horrible girls. I bet you spend every day feeling just terrible about it. ;oP

[k425.livejournal.com]

I used to say "OldBloke wants a puppy and I want a kitten. But I think we're getting a baby".

[pauamma]

"I LIKE girls. I AM one." *pause* "But I'll make an exception for you."

[(Anonymous)]

well answered; i hope she gave at least a little thought to your words...
- but somehow, i doubt it. "eheu."

what was it emer wanted to know about the helix?

[trizia.livejournal.com]

Grrr!
A friend of mine is pregnant with her second child and has just found out that it is a boy. AND I COULD STRANGLE HER! (sorry for shouting) She has done nothing but whinge that it was 'meant' to be a girl and how her body has tricked her and she has to pick a boy's name now. I was so tempted to tell her 'well, there is time to get rid of it and try again', but maybe I am just bitter because I can't have another one at all.

[cassandre.livejournal.com]

What a ghastly thing to say, in front of two older your daughters, no less. As if they weren't human beings capable of understanding language.

I have one son and I confess that I would love to have a girl the second time round; to say otherwise would be dishonest. On the other hand, my preference for a girl is trivial and utterly insignificant next to the enormous privilege and responsibility that comes with ushering another human being into the world and helping him or her grow. I want two children, and that is why I am having a second baby, not because I want a girl.

Nor am I narrow-minded enough to assume that everyone else's preferences about the gender of their babies correspond to mine.

[cassandre.livejournal.com]

"your two older daughters", oops

[sidheag.livejournal.com]

In case it helps: before DS (my only) was born, I had very mixed feelings. I felt more comfortable with the idea of having a girl, for the reasons you say, and squashed the feeling just as you say; and at the same time I felt that it would just be so much easier to be a boy (particularly if mathy/sciency, as DH, I and now DS all are). I remember worrying about whether I'd be able to be nurturing to a boy (it didn't help that I have a distant relationship with my brother, and we hated one another as children).

In the event, DS is partly like me, partly like DH, partly like neither, and being nurturing towards him is easy :-)

[jentifred.livejournal.com]

So true. I lost count of how many comments I got along the lines of "Oh, one of each, now you're done" after my son was born. As it turned out we were, but it was because of the number of children we have rather than their genders.

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

Yep, one of each. I like to say that they're one of each, a Naomi and a Sam, but of course there are infinite other possible flavours.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Oh holy cats, I'm fuming just reading this. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been anything like as reasonable as you were.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Then again I knew a woman who said she was stopping at six "now that Daddy has his girl". (She had two daughters and a son with her first husband, then two sons and a daughter with her second).

I found that unbelievably creepy, as well as a bit... er, are you saying that in earshot of 2ndhubby's sons?