Better

[ailbhe]

Rob and I are both doing better today - he slept almost all night through and I had several chunks of more than an hour each. Which, compared to Sunday night, was brilliant.

This morning Linnea woke bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and pottered about on her computer while I stayed in bed with Emer. I got up before Emer properly woke and did laundry and dishwashering and tidying, and then when Emer woke we all had porridge. Linnea and I were dressed to go out by ten o'clock but Emer wasn't until closer to eleven, but that's ok. She doesn't like being dressed.

We went to Lidl for orange juice and bananas and carrots and other things which are available in organic, fair-trade, or British (ie kinda localish) cheaper than the market sells them. I also caved in and bought silicate grapes (ie nonorganic) imported from the other end of the planet. Bad Environmentalist No Biscuit.

After that I compounded my sin by eating in McDonalds, which I'm always ashamed of because of their international eeeeebil, and then we came home and I finished doing laundry and tidying the bathroom, kitchen, and dining room for the BfN people. I put the stairgate in and cleared the kitchen and got coffee on, and it was almost ready by the time the first person arrived.

The lesson went well.

Rob arrived during the post-lesson chat, and so I could leave for the True Food market without waking Emer. Linnea was just as pleased to be left behind too. I got a lot of useful shopping done and had two cups of tea and several interesting-to-me conversations. I absolutely have to get out more - this is really important. Maybe if I take up yoga it will help.

All I ever think about are money and babies, babies and money. Oh, and environmentalism and politics.

I think this third week of PMS is doing a number on my self-perception because I am not in a good place right now.

I crept into Linnea's bed in the night because I had persistent anxiety about her continued breathing.

Comments

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

I'm glad today was better. :)

[pauamma]

Third week... in a stretch? Isn't that unusually long?

[ailbhe]

I had ot go away and calm down to be able to say mildly "Why yes, that is indeed unusually long. I am not enjoying it."

[pauamma]

I apologize for my comment if it was rude or otherwise insulting, or even sounded sounded. I didn't mean for either. :-(

[ailbhe]

You weren't. It wasn't. PMS is horrible stuff.

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

I'm glad things are better, and I urge you not to beat yourself up for being less than 100% compliant with your goals in *anything*. You set the goals; you get to decide when to do something else, for whatever reason you choose, or no reason at all.

*hugs*

[ailbhe]

I met a woman once - in a philosophy class - who said she always lived up to all her ideals. I'm still fairly certain she didn't know what an ideal was. She did drop out of the class.

When I let myself aim a tad bit lower occasionally, I remember her, and wonder what she really meant. No-one felt able to ask, at the time.