Five things from natural20

[ailbhe]

Teenaged rebellion,
Let's start with an easy one, eh?

Teenage rebellion in general is a trick thing - I'm not convinced it exists, in that I'm not certain teenagers actually have an intrinsic need to rebel per se. Babies, toddlers, children and teenagers do need to try things out to see how they suit them, and part of that is trying things which are not generally well-regarded by their family or Adult Society In General, but I have a strong inclination to believe that much of Teenage Rebellion is created by marketing and consumerist forces at large.

My own adolescence looked fairly rebellious to a lot of people but again I'm not sure it was. I was very depressed, and did things people didn't approve of, but I don't think I set out to break any rules for their own sake - I tried personalities on like drag, and had black velvet, tie-dye rainbow cotton, and beige linen in my wardrobe. I concealed from my mother the things which it would have hurt her to know, most of the time, and from my father the things it would have hurt me to have him know, and from my peers things which would have had me isolated (things like desperately seeking stability and really wanting to have babies). I was 21 before I admitted to puritybrown that I really wanted to have babies and felt bad about it, and she and I had discussed far more contentious issues over the years.

So teenagers are just doing what they do, and it's only in repressive circumstances that it turns into rebellion, really.

I think.

having to be sensible,
This is something grownups have to do, but toddlers are good at it too, to a lesser extent. I hate it. The worst part is when one is the only responsible party in a group - everyone else is drunk or drugged or just high on irresponsibility and one's own conscience can't be turned off, so there one is, walking everyone home at 3 am or calling an ambulance for a drunk teenager ("How could you! her parents were furious!" yeah, her pulse was 50 beats a minute and she couldn't stay conscious) or just saying "No we can't afford that we have to buy food."

If other people are also being sensible, it's not such a burden, it's just life.

(When it happens to children, such as child carers or the careful and terrified children of negligent parents, it's devastating).

home education,
It's my chosen misnomer for my educational ideals. Perhaps, anyway. Pretentious, moi?

From when I was six years old I felt it deeply wrong that I was in class at school with 35-40 other people who had nothing in common with me except approximate age. We were all supposed to be doing the same thing at the same time at the same pace, more or less, and it was obviously total nonsense.

And the more I thought about The System, the more I thought it was deeply flawed.

I do think that school can be treated as a resource and used to give certain information and experiences to people, and that's fine, but treating it as The Education is seriously troubling to me. Almost everyone I know remembers best lessons they learned on their own time outside school. Hating school is a common theme in our culture - from Romeo and Juliet to Pink Floyd - and just accepting that most of the people will be less than happy most of the time doesn't seem to me to be a good idea.

So I won't be using school to help me raise or educate my children until I think it's a good idea to do so.

fighting stereotypes,
Bash them on the head with a rock.

But you have to see them first.

keeping friends
Some people have friends they've known since infancy. Not me. I have changed so much in growing up that it just hasn't happened. The friends I do have, I find I have to work hard to retain, because I find all sorts of social interaction so hard and I'm never really sure people want to hear from me anyway and I must actually be just annoying. I'm getting better at this, and I realise that admitting it makes people find me annoying of itself even if they didn't before but there it is.

People who are good at explicit emotional description and at listening to same are easiest for me. People who conflate "honesty" and "constant criticism" are not, however.

Some of the people I love most dearly, especially among my female friends, are the people I find most difficult to forge a straightforward "click" connection with.

Comments

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

Bash them on the head with a rock.

But you have to see them first.

So Well Put.

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

I find all sorts of social interaction so hard and I'm never really sure people want to hear from me anyway and I must actually be just annoying.

You wrote me a letter once, an actual paper, handwritten, posted letter. And I was absolutely delighted. I just thought I should say that. :-)

[gingieellis.livejournal.com]

It's always good to hear from you!

[barakta]

I like reading your entries, you're a high volume poster who manages to still be interesting a vast majority of the time. I love reading about day to day stuff in your life even though my choices are very different. A little slice of what I don't want, but which is lovely to read about...

I also think you're extremely kind, you care and aren't afraid to show it. When people show you kindness you really show your appreciation and small things often seem to make you very happy. I sent you an old book I was going to carboot once and I felt like you'd done me a favour because of how pleased you seemed by it. That was nice!

[natural20.livejournal.com]

Very interesting, thank you.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

People who conflate "honesty" and "constant criticism" are not, however.

I so hear you on this. Some people get stuck at the "learn to tell unpleasant truths" stage without realizing that not all truth needs to be unpleasant and not all unpleasant things are so true as to need to be said.

[ailbhe]

It was the feeling bad about it that took the longest time to acknowledge. I was busy being defensive about it in my teens :)

[ailbhe]

You were the person who explained to me carefully that feminism was about choice, and choosing to have them was just as feminist as choosing not to, in fact. I was living in Wapping at the time.

[ailbhe]

Mm, yes, you did seem to think it was pretty obvious at the time.

I think I might be a member of an lj comm called "bad feminists."

[naath.livejournal.com]

I think the lessons I remember best (I can read, write, add up... stuff like that) are the ones I learnt early and had to use over and over in a way that was (and is) actually useful. I'm not sure how many of them I learned in school and how many from my mother though. You're probably right that "in school" is not the best place to learn these sorts of lessons.

From my early schooling I think the lesson most obviously learned in school was "how to go to the same place every morning and stay there doing as instructed for some hours" also "how to sit quietly" and "how to work with people I didn't like". These lessons have proved valuable in "keeping a job" also for not disturbing people when attending plays, concerts, lectures and so forth. Being forced to conform is, I think, a bad thing; but being unable to conform might be inconvenient later. No reason that this has to be taught in a school though.

When I was older I found school a place that had useful things like teachers who knew stuff and answered questions and a library of books that were interesting. Home can be like that too of course.

[ailbhe]

My kids have learned how to sit quietly in libraries and theatres, and how to work with people they don't like in, er, ordinary life.

The tough one is going to be "how to behave well when your peers around you are behaving very badly," but since that's tough no matter what age one is, I think we have time.