A good enough morning

Linnea was a little dehydrated going to sleep last night, so I was a little dehydrated waking up this morning. But I started the day with a cramp-relieving bath and she and I ate fresh-baked bread and drank chamomile and spearmint tea, and it was all good.

Last night, and just now when Rob brought her up for her nap, she had her pre-sleep feed, went into Rob's arms to be carried, settled down on his shoulder with her eyes closed, looked up at me, waved, perkily said "Bye!" and then settled down on his shoulder again. It's so cute I might explode.

She laid the table for lunch today, too - I handed her things and she put them on the table; her plate at her place and my plate at my place. My fork on the correct (left) side of my plate. The lunchbox of pre-prepared salad (Thanks, Rob!) right next to her plate; "So what are you having, Mum?"

I'm glad she's napping early because we have to leave at 14:45 for my hospital appointment with the colo-rectal specialist. However, I have good news: we've had a letter saying that I can call to arrange an appointment with the gynaecologist today. Rob's going to actually make the phonecall, when they reopen after 2 pm.

I need to buy Linnea a little basin and dishwashing brush and have her wash clean dishes on the floor while I wash dirty dishes in the sink. Her assistance is becoming irresistable. The only real cost to the new plan, I hope, is that I will mop the kitchen floor daily instead of weekly. So that would be fine.

I hope she falls for it.

(If you're ever short of comments on your journal, by the way, post a list of childcare-related worries. They garner far more varied responses than any other kind of worries.)

Oh - the lovely donated card-carrying wallet things arrived today! Two of them, leather covers over plastic pockets. I counted my cards, since I was assembling them all: Because I've lost my Boots Advantage card, I only have 19 cards currently in use, and three not in use but not to be throw away. I think I may have a problem. The wallet, however, is great, even though it won't fit in my back pocket due to sheer volume of cards when assembled (it's about 2cm thick). Many thanks to the generous donors. I am pretty sure that I will lose fewer cards if they are all in one place and easy to replace.

I suppose if I ever find my La Leche League and NCT membership cards they can go in too. Luckily my YHA membership has expired.

Gynaecologist appointment

It's on the tenth of October. Linnea will be 17 months and 10 days old. It will be 9 months and 27 days since my first operation. I hope to be given a date for surgery on that day. That will be at least another fortnight.

I am increasingly unimpressed. But at least something's happening. I'd probably feel better if I didn't have to leave for hospital to see the colo-rectal guy in a minute.

Hospital shmospital

I saw the colo-rectal guy who says that the pain I'm in is due to scar tissue and he thinks I should see a painspecialist. I said fine, but I'm also going to see the gynaecologist. He said well wait until then to see the pain specialist. I said no, I'd rather do everything now please, in case the gynaecologist can't think of anything other than a pain specialist either.

Basically, there's the rectocele, which is about all that's keeping me continent since my muscles are lousy, and there's a huge raft of scar tissue where the perineal body ought to be, and some holes in the vaginal wall with a wodge of scar tissue, and then some more scar tissue, just for luck. He couldn't tell us how much scar tissue there was or how far around the various passages it extended; I'm hoping the gynaecologist will be better able to guage that, it being his, ah, area of expertise.

So now we wait 40 days and 40 nights. Well, 39. But it looks like surgery really is too much to hope for.

I really don't want to settle for this. What's the word for the surgery people get to have prettier vulvas? Because I'm certain there's a way to fix this. Can't they take some flesh from somewhere else? There's lots of wobbly squishy fless on my belly these days; I'm not using it.

I need to compose an email to the patient advocacy people. I'm likely to make a formal complaint in the near future, I think. If I can work out what the hell happened; the fact that my notes from the birth contain deviations from the accurate truth won't help.