Walking away is not news

[ailbhe]

It's not even surprising. What's surprising is when people don't walk away.

I took Linnea out of her dance class early today because she was being disruptive, which isn't fair on the other children, especially the one supposedly partnering her. On the way home, she ran away a few times, and around a corner out of sight twice. The first time I put her in the buggy for a bit, the second, I sat down with her, next to a building.

We sat there until she was ready to walk home properly again.

Chasing her is miserable. It's difficult, and stressful, and sometimes frightening - when she's wild, how do I know her usual good sense will kick in in time to stop her actual running off the kerb? - and holding her hand tight enough to stop her running off feels like it might be crushing something and holding her lower or upper arm tight enough to stop her running off leaves a reddish mark for a while. I don't think it's bruised her.

So I refused to do it, and we just sat. Luckily I had seven shiny conkers for Emer to play with, so she was quite happy. I didn't give Linnea anything to play with. I refused to stand up and look in my backpack for her cardigan, either.

Eventually her need for the toilet forced her to agree to walk without brute force coercion.

It was miserable. A thirty-minute amble took an hour and a quarter. I'm miserable.

But when we got home I talked to her, and apologised for losing my temper, and she apologised for running away and showing people her pants (not something which I was asking her to apologise for, though I did say that if she didn't want to wear her dress I would take it off and she could go home in just pants; I did lose my temper!) and then I said that if she wanted to go to school she could go but if she didn't she had to make it possible for me to look after her and keep her alive every single day. So she agreed to be good tomorrow and also showed me that she can multiply and add up and write her name without a prompt.

Comments

[supermouse]

I am sorry you had a miserable time, but it was very much for the best. It's pretty clever to be able to keep Emer amused while Linnea is bored, I am just sorry you had to be miserable as well.

[pauamma]

showing people her pants

*bites lip*

[nolly.livejournal.com]

How do you feel about those child harness / reins things? I mostly see ones that are also cute animal backpack in use here. I have no idea how common they are over there.

(This is not intended as a suggestion of the "If you do this, it will fix things" variety. This is more "I see some people doing this, in what appears to be an attempt to address a similar problem. They aren't people I know, so I can't ask them how well it works. If you've seen them and given them any thought, I'm curious what your thoughts are.")

[ailbhe]

If we'd had them, I'd have used them; in general, neither child needs them. I think those things save lives, though.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Lives and shoulder sockets, I think.

And ... you're a good parent. I really admire how much you can remain aware of yourself and your convictions while or shortly after your bright determined daughter is having such a bad day.

[ailbhe]

Linnea's elbows used to dislocate really easily. Reins were great.

I did spend a lot of the walk home wishing I could just slap her in the face, though. That was... about as much fun as it sounds like.

[trizia.livejournal.com]

Wanting to slap them is totally normal. Hus is 24 on Friday and sometimes I still want to slap him out of sheer bloody frustration.

You are such a involved, self-aware parent. I wish I'd been as good with Hux when he was little as you are with your girls. You are brilliant.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

all the difference between wanting to and actually doing it, though.

[mrs-redboots.livejournal.com]

They do like to wind us up, don't they! They all have Days Like That - and the Girlsown books' remedy of an afternoon in bed is often not a bad thing, if they are either overtired or sickening for something.

I could never have homeschooled - no patience!

[tiggsybabes.livejournal.com]

Mine are mostly good, but I do get freaked out when Holly disappears round a corner & I have a few seconds of not knowing that she's safe & on the pavement. She always has been, but it's the not knowing.

Holly does seem to have gone past the flashing her pants stage, I tried not to make a fuss as didn't want her to think it was naughty, but there are a few weirdos near where we live.

Holly is loving school, though she's way ahead of everyone else in her class I think.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

heh. my mom used to tell me that if i didn't get up i couldn't go to school. i *loved* school.

i think that sitting there was a brilliant idea and i am going to keep it in mind for when i need it. that sounds very very very hard, but like a good thing to do.

[kelvix.livejournal.com]

sorry you had such a day: I always feel torn between being a failure at discipline, being determined that I am mummy and I am right, and just upset because the upset osmosis rubs off on me.

I'm glad you had such a quick resolution for the defiance: well done for keeping your patience, and I'm glad it didn't happen on a day when it was too cold or rainy.

My own struggle centres around B not coming to me when called: this means that we do not walk to the shops - he is in a buggy - because I cannot control him returning to me. He is frustrated and so am I,but without two of us on the job (one a fluent Dutch speaker, in case of problems) it's more stress than I can manage to deal with.

[taimatsu]

Well done. It sounds so hard, but you keep on managing it.