ailbhe: (Default)
ailbhe ([personal profile] ailbhe) wrote2008-04-10 06:04 pm
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Anniversaries and PTSD

Linnea will be four years old in 20 days. Rob and I have been together 9 years.

I think I'm over the PTSD. Some of the remaining symptoms are just exaggerated symptoms of anxiety anyway, which means I'm down to normal levels of, um, stuff. I'm also very sleep-deprived so not really up to a proper post about it.

But we've been together nine years. It's been eventful. Full of drama, noise, books, clutter, and a growing sense of family. We've both changed a lot, but in the same direction, I think. Nine years ago I couldn't have imagined some of the ethical choices I make now, and nor could Rob. We certainly couldn't have imagined our children.

And there's no way we could have imagined that the birth of our first child would lead to such a horrendous catalogue of mental and physical trauma fucked-up-ness. But we're both off antidepressants. We've both learned to do housework and figured out who was expecting what from whom (and ow, was that a roller-coaster ride through ingrained sexisms!) and, well, it all looks set to continue.

From the outside, it doesn't look like we do much, me and Rob. The changes and growing are all on the inside, and they're slow. But we are both, constantly, changing.

Together.

I love it.

(I also like not being nearly half as mad, yo.)

[identity profile] khitomer.livejournal.com 2008-04-10 05:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Happy Anniversary.

Hope there's many more

[identity profile] calieber.livejournal.com 2008-04-10 05:39 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't feel the need to make ultimately getting off anti-depressants a goal, but I come from a cultural background that makes Rincewind look stoic.
pauamma: Cartooney crab wearing hot pink and acid green facemask holding drink with straw (Default)

[personal profile] pauamma 2008-04-10 06:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Conga rats to y'all!
ext_481: origami crane (Default)

Re: Anniversaries and PTSD

[identity profile] pir-anha.livejournal.com 2008-04-10 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
most heartfelt congratulations, and happy anniversary!

[identity profile] calieber.livejournal.com 2008-04-10 08:46 pm (UTC)(link)
If I were willing to risk coming off as hostile (without intending to) I'd point out that getting off them is no less a goal for that; since I am terrified of conflict I will leave it at I personally don't anticipate not needing them, ever.

[identity profile] calieber.livejournal.com 2008-04-10 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Er, that is, I realize it's a different situation; as I should probably have said the first time around, I'm glad you're better. At least in the comparative sense
rosefox: Green books on library shelves. (Default)

[personal profile] rosefox 2008-04-10 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
*beam*

Happy anniversary. Thank you for sharing so much of your difficult journeys; I'm so glad you and your family have grown closer through the hard times.
ext_6381: (Default)

[identity profile] aquaeri.livejournal.com 2008-04-11 12:30 am (UTC)(link)
Happy anniversary, and congratulations for making it through some tough shit and coming out the other end, better people. What you do for your children is inspiring.

[identity profile] k425.livejournal.com 2008-04-11 12:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Congratulations, and happy anniversary.

The changes may all be on the inside, but they're visible from the outside.