"I find it very hard to clamp down on my strong feelings about various things baby-related, but I do..."

Working out when to speak up and when to allow space is *very* difficult. I always thought that once I had kids, I'd pretty much be forced to be more vocal. And now you're telling me there's no magic personality transplant! Ah, well!

For the sustainability of your relationships, you need to be comfortable, which means allowing yourself to be yourself. "Being yourself" is always a risk, but it has an upside. You might end up scaring people away, but you might just become the binding agent in a group you are more comfortable with.